How We Have Changed TTWD…Our Kind of DD

I found this in my draft folder this morning. Oddly enough I was going to write about this very issue, but from a different place, where I am now. This was written last February. It’s interesting how we change, how our dynamic shifts and evolves, isn’t it?  I don’t remember what he had done, what I had done. I do remember I got spanked at the end. Well duh!


I’m not having a good morning, and it seems he perfect time to write the post I’ve had rattling in my head since I read this by Saoirse: “He’s Wrong! Very, very wrong!” Her post actually turned into a 3 part series. I’ll also refer you to my own version from several years ago: “When DD is Not Fair“.

I’m angry. I’m hurt. And I’m at work early sitting on sore bottom. If you’ve read Saoirise’s posts, or mine, you’ll already realize that he real question is not what he did or I did, but how do I get myself from here:

hands on hips

To here:

turn the other cheek

I don’t want to be fighting with my husband. The issue has spanned several days and he told me to be home at 5:15 and there would be a punishment. I texted him back that he apparently forgot I had a date with my future daughter-in-law and her girlfriend and would not be home until later. He went out, and when I got home I went to bed. Then I received a text that said: “This argument is over tomorrow.” I did not answer. I was too angry. He texted me back: “I know you are there–” He’s smart like that. I texted back: “What?” Did I mention how angry I was? Then I figured I’d best say something more, so I added: “I am in bed going to sleep.” Then came, “Ok. Good night. I love you.” I did not answer.

I was up early this morning and hoped to sneak out early to work. Not to avoid a spanking because he never does anything first thing in the morning, but rather because I was angry, and wanted to simply be gone, remove myself. I had hoped to wrap my head around being punished when I did not deserve it before this evening. I knew e was not changing his mind and I was done arguing my point. He surprised me by waking very early and caught be dressed for work, coat on….


….and he insisted I take my coat off and come back into the bedroom, and he pulled up my dress, down my panties, and I was thoroughly spanked before work. Yes, I was indeed mad. I usually am when I am punished these days. (I really don’t do much to be truly repentant about at this point in our lives…at least not from my perspective). And yeah, he was truly sorry I was mad, and sorry he felt he had to spank, but not in the least sorry to spank. He sees it as his role, his prerogative, his responsibility and he works hard to the very best of his ability to never shirk his duties in our marriage!

So what has changed? I think mostly it’s that we have shifted into a place where the DD is his to have and to hold, as am I. He decides, he sometimes spanks, he forgives, and I am free to do and feel whatever it is I need to do and feel. The two may not always have much to do with each other and the big change is, that it is mostly OK with me. I have fought this for years. I have felt it was always my role to submit, but in my heart, if I was unjustifiably punished, I felt wronged in a way that always needed resolution before we could move on. It was a big deal emotionally. Now…eh, not so much. I still get mad. I still know when he’s wrong. And if anything I argue more and even while going to him and laying myself over his lap. Why? Because (unless the moment is causing me true emotional trauma) the worst that can be damaged is my bottom. I’ve let go in a new way. The man won’t beat me to death, and in fact he doesn’t beat me. He spanks me with a hair brush or strap, which hurts a heck of a lot, and which upon occasion might even make me cry…but then I can be mad for a while, and then it’s over. The fight is over. The discord is over. It might be we have come to some agreement (funny how a spanking can open up the blood flow to the brain and give a gal a new perspective). Or it might be I am as sure as I was pre-paddling that he’s an idiot  that I am right and he is wrong. I’ll be mad for a little while and then I will forgive him his deranged manly ideas, and we simply move on. He’s changed too. He doesn’t always need me to agree with him or to think he was right. After all, he knows he was right. He is always right. He’s a man. My man. He’s genetically programmed and happens to be an infuriatingly dominate and bossy sort and he mostly thinks he’s always right. And I married him and I love him, and that feature comes with this particular model. And yes, I admit it. I knew this about him going in.

Just this weekend we had one of those kind of spankings. A stupid argument, his hurt feelings, and a decision to spank me after dining at the pub with our son, which he told me on the way there so I could savor it. I ordered a martini as soon as we got there. He was wrong. He had said something really dumb wrong which he admitted to and apologized for, which was followed by a “But you shouldn’t have…” Yeah, so why do I get spanked while he apologizes? Because that’s the way we do things. Sigh…I asked for this. I need to be spanked even though I don’t want to be. I might be genetically programmed for that? I sometimes hate it but I accept I need it. So once again, he came into the bedroom when I was in my jammies and got out that damn ebony hairbrush.  I looked at him with a well composed and moderately challenging glare and asked “You’re kidding me right?” I tried to stare him down, and I find it’s important to always look surprised…to act like he’s out of his mind. Maybe because once in a blue moon it works, and just for my own self respect?

However, I was surprised he picked that hairbrush. The issue was small to my way of thinking and that’s some serious implement. We don’t always agree on what’s a small issue either :( . I braced myself and went to him when he sat and told me to come. I went obediently if not quietly over his lap. I was prepared for the worst, but he started spanking over my pajamas (which is unusual) and hard-ish, but not as hard as he might have. There were none of the usual “You know why you’re here, right?” The pajamas came down but after maybe 2 minutes he stopped spanking. He just held me there. I wondered what point he was making? Submission? He asked “Are you still mad?” I took a quick mental assessment and realized, no, I was  not mad. Not at him, not even at the spanking. I was right, but that had little to do with being over his lap. I told him honestly, “No, I am not mad.” There was no edge to my voice. I wasn’t mad. I was sorry I was getting spanked, but not mad. He resumed spanking just hard enough create that burn, and then he just stopped.

Grant: “OK, you’re done.”

Sara: “Ok. ……… Um…what is this?”

Grant: “Do you need more? If the spanking wasn’t enough…”

Sara: “NO! It was more than enough!” He was still holding me down, but had released his grip. I slipped off his lap quickly while I still could. “I’m just not sure what that spanking was about. Were you just making sure I would submit ?”

Grant: “Of course not.  I know you will submit. It was about making sure you weren’t still angry and that we could have a peaceful evening.”

Sara: “Oh.”

Grant: “I love you.” He pulled me to him.

Sara: “I love you too.”

It turned out to be a pretty good weekend!

hugs hand on butt

15 thoughts on “How We Have Changed TTWD…Our Kind of DD

  1. I always seem to give him that “for real?” look too when he pulls out an implement…even when I KNOW it’s coming lol. Hasn’t saved me even once! Isn’t it amazing how it can snap you out of a funk like that? Glad you had a good weekend!

  2. we’ve been practicing dd since february. so we’re new. i often wonder what i’ll think a year from now and how i react to feeling not heard and being spanked for it. i sometimes adore the sting and other times not so much but it makes my head definitely more clear. it must have something to do with the blood flow, as you say. :)

    thanks for posting this, it gives me a glimpse into what my life might be like down the road. i’m glad you’re doing well.


  3. I have a *cough* tendency to give Barney a ” Whaaaaaaaaaat?” when he give me a look. Then an OHHHHhhhhhhhhhh…followed by an ooops. Right back to you, odd how the situation may be the same, but how you feel about it evolves isn’t it? Growth? Comfort? Realization?
    Meh, happy it worked out in ‘the end”

  4. I am glad to know I am not alone in the …I can change the direction of this with the right look/ or you have lost your mind expression. :0) Never has worked for me, but there has to be a first sometime right?

  5. I think you summed up well how we all feel…we want this and need this but sometimes we want it our way lol…

    Im glad to see you back..


  6. Tess, sometimes IT is just what we need. We’re wired like that, eh?

    Good luck Maryanne…and hang in there!

    Wiliie, sometimes think it’s a matter of honor to look surprised. ;)

    Irish, it has to work sometime. Let’s keep trying, ok? :)

    Daisy, I always want it my way! I mean…who wouldn’t?

  7. I honestly wonder if, when you have been so close to another person for a very long time, and you can see right into each other’s souls, you perceive this dynamic in a different way from those who, shall we say, are still in the ‘infancy’ of their marriages, ie ten years or less, and I also think that way back then, this would have all been a farce and a huge mistake, and would have split us right down the middle. I think this is because with a long marriage, you not only change as individuals, but you change as a couple. It only takes one or two life or death situations, or family traumas, and you either throw in the towel, or you come out of it all not only super-glued to each other’s sides, but welded.

    I have nothing but admiration for the years you have been working at this dynamic, and on occasion, I admit to feeling a little envious. BUT, and it’s a big but, I introduced it to us for totally different reasons. Mainly because our marriage needed a shakeup – we were boring, stale, uncommunicative. We needed to remind each other why we married in the first place. To reaffirm our vows and commitment to each other.

    Unbelievably, it seems to be working. It’s tough. Dan often doesn’t “appear to listen” to me, like you say Grant always does to you, and I get ruffled. And I hate always having to prompt him into spanking me. I loathe doing it. But if I didn’t, he hasn’t yet realised that he is free to just ‘spank’. And I hate having these constant ‘ground-hog days’ of my snarky attitude and nearly driving him into a corner before he will brandish the paddle. I wish it was easy and would go smoothly. But it doesn’t. And the other thing is, that when he spanks he spanks extremely hard and usually fast. I hate the pain of it. But immediately after it my mood soars as high as a lark. I love the burn, love the feeling when it’s sore to sit, love the peace and calm I feel. So much so that my head spins and all I can wonder is “Why?!” and “Is it going to take us 8 years to get even a third of the way you are?!”


    I wonder if you got my email? It’s okay, I’m fine and I know you’re busy. If you have time to read my post, I tried to put down how I feel at the moment. I suppose it’s just needing to know there are other people with similar trials and tribulations, and that they aren’t having perfect journeys either.

    PS My wooden hairbrush split in two. Is yours a Mason Pearson? We used to like the hairbrush but it did make me go numb. The leather paddle is better in that it “snaps” rather than thuds. Dare I ask what a ‘strap’ is? Is it one of those things you can order from Leatherthorn? I remember way back in the Fifties when I was a little kid, the boys used to get the strap at our school in Canada.

    Sorry my reply is very disjointed. We’ll be better after our holiday. Hope you enjoy yours by the way.

    Many hugs Sara,


  8. Sometimes MM calls me on the shocked look I give him each and every time he makes the horrible announcement. I really think it is part of the deal…saving a tiny bit of face.

    Need it but don’t want it? I get that completely.

  9. Hi Sara,

    I always do this too every time, even when I know it’s coming and whether I feel it’s deserved or not. A girl’s gotta try right? LoL

    Wouldn’t it be so nice if what we needed and wanted match up all the time?

    I love how this ended and glad you had a good weekend.


  10. That is actually a really sweet story and interaction. It sounds like you are working back to a pretty good place. I kind of love how you have come to a new place, both you and Grant. Thanks for sharing.

  11. Hi Sara,

    I have followed your blog since we began dd or ttwd…We’re mostly undefined I guess…lol. I love the fact that you are so open and honest with your marriage and ttwd. I am amazed that you are able to “recover” your ttwd or dd relationship over and over again. How do you do it? We had a lot of ups and downs lately and we both are so committed to this lifestyle but when he is wrong (which we agree most of challenges have been him lately) its so difficult for me to reach a submissive state of mind again. Getting over something is one thing but getting over something and returning to a submissive state seems far more daunting. Is saying that you continue because you wanted this lifestyle always enough to get you back to a sub state of mind?

  12. I’m sorry I haven’t been around Ami. I’ve had a rough week. I’ll go look at your post, but I do know most men have a hard time with incorporating discipline into the marriage. The hairbrush is an antique ebony and we got it off of Ebay…not sure you really want to go there?

    Susie, I do agree the shocked look is “part of the deal”.

    Yes Roz, a girl’s always got to try!

    Thanks Zoe! Bumps to come! :shock:

    Priya, I think the way we recover over and again is simply bc we refuse to quit. I don’t always have a submissive state of mind but I do what I need to, what I’ve committed to anyway, and that always allows me to eventually reconnect with those submissive feelings again, eventually.

  13. I’m so glad you’re back. When Z and I started Dd 3 years ago you were the first blog I read :) I love hearing from people who have been in this for awhile…it’s inspiring to me. I also have gotten to a point where I just think “just spank me” but also….let me upset about it. It’s the way I feel…you can’t change the way someone feels. He isn’t there yet. :)

  14. It sounds to me like the two of you are coming back together nicely, if a bit differently. Your lives were turned upside down for a bit and that affected each of you as individuals and certainly as a couple as well. It’s interesting to read about how you’ve been working through it, how things have changed and where you’re at right now, so thanks for sharing!

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