A Tail of Three Spankings – part one

Isn’t funny how a few days or a week can change your perspective? Life got in the way and I never wrote about our turn around. So…here’s how it began….

Our kitchen sink faucet broke somewhere during the winter season. We were both crazy busy and he rigged it so it worked, and that was fine. He said he would pick up the faucet but I told him I referred to pick one myself. I never seemed to find the time. One day, after several reminders, he walked in with a new faucet. I thanked him sincerely but explained that the one he picked was just not what I wanted because it didn’t coordinate with the vintage look in our kitchen. He looked at me blankly, but in deference to my sensibilities, and not wanting to force offensive décor on me, he returned the faucet and asked me to pick the one I wanted. In fact, he reminded me to order a faucet several times. I always agreed with intent to do that right away.

About 3 weekends ago he was going away on business for 4 days and said, “Oh, and remember to order that faucet this weekend!” “Yep, I’ll definitely order a faucet this weekend!” I am sure you can all see where this is going?

He came home, and on Monday evening asked about the faucet.

“Oh shoot, I forgot.”
“You said you’d order it.”
“And I will. I just forgot.”
“You’re getting punished!”
“Huh? Over a FAUCET?”
“Yep”

Well I did not even believe him. We don’t DO punishments over mistakes or forgetfulness, or the small things in life. I figured he was just threatening, or going to play-punish me…
Before bed he went and retrieved the punishment paddle, sat the chair in our bedroom reserved for such things. I just kind of looked at him…so not there in my head.

“OK, let’s get this over with.”
“You’re serious?”
“Come over here and find out.”
Whatever I don’t get this at all.”
“I see that. Come here.”

So he pulled me OTK, pulled down my jammies and started to spank me, moderately. He was lecturing about faucets and how often he had asked me and doing what I say I will…and in between a few protests and “ouch!”’s…well…yeah, I started to laugh.

“You’re laughing at this?”
“Weeell…YES. I can’t help it. You are spanking me over a FREAKIN’ BROKEN FAUCET!”

OK, so not my brightest moment. First laughing at him out loud, and two, doing so in that position. But sheesh…a faucet? I felt like I was in a silly DD romance story being spanked over some invented infraction that lets the author get to the spanking part!
He apparently has not read those kind of stories because he was so not kidding!

He communicated by word and deed…i.e. he refocused me from the faucet to the promise, from the inconsequential detail to the larger picture of him asking and my agreeing and not doing. He talked and questioned and he spanked me to tears.

My last defense was:
“But you never told me if I did not order it this weekend you would spank me!”
“Did you know I wanted you to order it?
“Yes.”
“How many times have I asked?”
“Many…but…”
“Stop! I asked. You knew. I was more than patient for a very long time.”
“For eight years, if it got to that point, you’ve always told me, ‘if this then that!’. You didn’t tell me ‘IF’ this weekend!”
“You know what? We’re past that. You know when I ask, what I want. And I don’t mind reminding you at times. I know and respect how busy you are. I try to not put a lot on you and I try to as much as I can to help out around here…don’t I?”
“Yes, you do all kinds of things, but…”
“But, I shouldn’t have to threaten you and I’m not going to anymore. If I ask several times, if it doesn’t get done, this is where you’ll end up!”
“I’m so confused. You’re changing things!”
“Yes, I guess I am. I think it’s time.”

That was the first of a series of three. The spankings and the posts. It took me a while to wrap my head around what he was telling me. He wants me to listen to what he says? He’s not going to warn me, “That’s it, you’re on the line?”

This means what? He wants me to start REALLY paying attention? UGH!?!

29 thoughts on “A Tail of Three Spankings – part one

  1. Oh my. Oh Sara. I hope nothing else needs replaced in the house any time soon…. The tide is changing so it would seem.

    Dee x

  2. I would have had exactly the same reaction Sara. I think I would have laughed too. Oh dear. I can see both sides of this, but I guess you made him really fed up and he saw no other option. Remind me never to buy a punishment paddle. I don’t think I’m ready for such things yet. Hmmm, did you say how many years you’ve been doing this?! So I only have how many to go?! Did I hear you laugh?!

    I’ll be interested to hear of the next two spankings, because you obviously didn’t pay too much heed to this one….

    Hugs,

    Ami

  3. I thought this was going to go another direction and the rigged faucet was going to break while he was away. Glad that didn’t happen, things could have been much worse all around!
    I believe warnings are need also. Not every single time, but they are an important aspect of a DD relationship dynamic. It looks like Grant did give a final warning. After several reminders he attempted to rectify the situation by trying to pick one out. Then after waiting more weeks, when he was going away, he did say to get the faucet “that weekend”
    I can’t speak for every man, but I know broken things around the house weigh heavily on a mans mind. We’re “fixers” by nature in the way we think and react in many areas of our life. I know I’m patient, but I don’t think I could have been as patient as Grant was in this same situation.
    I guess the “IFs” aren’t the only thing you’ll have to listen for anymore Sara, good luck :)

  4. Oh, my, Sara! I just revived my blog with a “forgetfulness” story worse than yours. I haven’t confessed yet, but I am afraid the spanking will be something terrible!

    Yes, when they change things up, they should warn us first. However, I can see Grant’s point too. You kind of blew him off, like what I did to Ramon. Ugh! Don’t you hate when you mess up? Too bad we can’t be perfect angels all the time.

  5. Your Grant deserves a honour place among the patient HoH’s!
    Actually listening to him. Now THAT is a revolutionary, but very good idea.

  6. Dee, he is indeed raising the bar, it seems!

    Ami, I am sure laughing was NOT a good diea. And don’t worry about the punishment paddle. You dont need one!

    Mr. BB, he did give a different kind of warning, not the sort I am accustomed to. However, I will certainly try to listen more closely going forward.

    Alexandra, yes I guess I basically blew him off, and yes, I hate it when I mess up too!

    Bas, ok, yes, he was patient, but a medal of honor? Sheesh!

  7. Hi Sara,
    Can’t comment much on the DD aspect but I fully understand the decor aspect. I seriously hate when hubby buys things like faucets, light switch plaques, light fixtures, etc. I am so familiar with that blank look!

    “Thank you for trying,dear, but that’s an ecru and the decor is more of a cream”
    “What??? It’s all beige!”

    Also, around here hubby tends to be more of the procrastinator so |I am the one more likely to get it done (or nag!?! ;-) ).

    PS Thank you for putting the archives and blog roll back on the side. I don’t know if it was my computer, but I coould never get to them when they were on the bottom.

    R.

  8. I hear what you are saying. June answered one of my posts by saying that the worst punishment was disappointing Ward. Hard to imagine that kind of devotion but I can aspire to it. Glad to hear that you two are back on track.
    Bea

  9. I don’t know why, but this made me smile – sorry :”> But I could so see Daddy doing this, it sounds very much like what he’d say. He is the big picture man. Never really about the thing itself, about my lack of focus and broken commitment. For us it would not be a full out correction – but it would be a very vigorous reminder to keep my focus and my word

  10. Sara, I’ve been there over very similar stuff (more than once!), and UGH is right! I’ve even tried that argument, didn’t work for me either. All I can say is, you definitely have my sympathies, I hate when they have an epiphany and change things up on us, grrr! It’s especially annoying when they’re right, huh? And, lol, I’m eeking about what you’re going to write happened next, I wish that was the end of the story!

  11. Hi R, sorry for the hard to navigate blog. I’ve tried to make it nicer to get around. I KNOW…how can he not see the many shades of beige…or gray, as the case may be? ;)

    Bea, I have to be truly honest here. The worst IS disappointing Grant…but nah, not over forgetting to order a faucet. But…there’s more of the tail to tell.

    June, I am pretty sure this would not have been a “full out correction” either, had I had a better attitude about the whole thing to start. Laughing in the middle did not help!

    Abby, ‘post its’, alarms, calendars…it was simply a lack of focus.

    Kay, I don’t like change either. And why are his epiphanies always my problem?!?

  12. Sara, welcome to Lynda’ s world.

    I see this is a game changer for you. I’m sure things will become clear as you proceed.

    I recall other occasions you’ve written about where you were punished for not doing what you were expected to do. Exercise?

    I don’t give warnings either :)

    Good luck

    Mick

  13. Ah Sara, it does sound as though Grant is changing things up. It’s so hard and difficult to get used to at first when they do this isn’t it? I can certainly understand your confusion and reaction, given that he would have handled things differently in your pre-break period.

    It looks as though Grant has some different ideas this time around.

    Hugs,
    Roz

  14. Oh dear…so that’s what getting older and wiser has in store ?! I think I want to be 18 again…no, no I don’t…all those difficult decisions and working out where you want to be.
    Yep, he knows you inside out.
    I seem to end up over the knee at particular times of the year….pre Christmas…just before a holiday….but all in the context of me working myself into a horrific she-monster.
    I’m amazed G had the wherewithall to go and get a faucet. Peter will only enter shops to buy books and music.When I suggest any house improvements he tends to look rather bemused. Sarah,LD,UK

  15. Hey Sara…I may be looking at this differently but it sounds as if Grant spanked over the broken commitment, not the faucet itself. I agree with Roz…looks as if Grant definitely has some different ideas on how things will be handled this time around. Good luck in getting used to the ‘new’ regime soon!

    Blessings,
    Cat

  16. Wow Sara I can see how this would be difficult to take in your position. Can I ask you a question? Do you think Grant’s feelings were hurt when he came home with the faucet all ready to fix things, and you wanted ( and I would SO agree with you on that) a different one? And then on top of it, didn’t remember to order the one you did want? Please don’t think of this as me chastising.. I was just curious if you think that may have come into play with this…and then the laughing. Like his wishes weren’t important. I know that is not what you meant, but I am curious if this situation would be unique because of all of these things added up.

    I suppose that is not a helpful comment, ( I’m jet lagged forgive me :) ) I hope that the dust is settling and the two of you can figure out a way to deal with the ‘moving’ boundary line

    willie

  17. Mick, What’s with the  ? Does this read like a  matter to you? Sheesh, go thank Lynda for putting up with you!

    Actually Roz, all kidding aside, in one way the whole thing is perfectly clear and in another it was really confusing. It was (is) hard to wrap my mind around the shift in how things are communicated around here, especially since we’d done things successfully for a long time with a set rhythm.

    Yes Sarah, Grant loves to go to Home Depot or Lowes…not sure if you have them there? he’s realy good at fixing things up and taking care of our house. I’m lucky there. Picking out a style I’d approve of is a whole other issue.

    Cat, you’re reading it exactly right. I’ve just been allowed to procrastinate a lot more in the past year, so this was a wakeup call. It was a small thing with larger underlying significance.

    Willie, you should always say it as you see it. Please don’t apologize! I was kind, so don’t think his feelings were hurt over my not liking the faucet, but I am sure he was a bit frustrated because he just wanted it done and over. However, yes, he did say he felt “Like his wishes weren’t important.” I never intended to communicate that, but I guess my actions, or lack thereof, did send that message.

  18. I find it amazing that you are surprised by anything after all these years. It just reminds us how complex marriage, let alone a DD marriage really is.

  19. I have to say that I think Alex would be very annoyed by this and would get to the same point as Grant did. And I would probably have reacted like you. That being said I think he would see it as dishonest, unintentional but dishonest all the same. If he asks me to do something and I say I will and then I am not holding up my end of the deal. If I look at it like that then it makes more sense maybe. Don’t know if that helps. Hugs.

  20. Uhoh, sounds like Grant is taking this whole HOH business pretty seriously. I mean, not that he didn’t before, but it sounds like he’s raising the bar. I can relate in some ways as Michael seems to be doing to same lately. He called me out on some things last night while we were “talking” that he’s been letting slide for awhile. He raised an expectation of me in one area (code for: made a current rule stricter) and there was a warning regarding a behavior with the threat of a new rule if I don’t get my act together. Hmmph! At any rate, I really don’t have any advice, but I wish you luck adjusting to the latest changes!

  21. The end of the “If…then” statement? By golly Sara, what is this world coming to?

    My MM would like me to say that he has a comment but he can’t stop chuckling to write it.

    I won’t even start in on what I have to live with!

    Hang in there! LOL…I just wanted to type “this too shall pass” but it won’t. Sighing frightfully in your direction…

  22. Michele, I amaze myself! ;) Denial is a girl’s best friend, right? Or maybe just my favorite defense.

    Zoe, I don’t think dishonesty came in here. Dishonesty would require some intent in my (our) book, but disregard, disrespect, at the end of the day, yes.

    Grace, I wish you smooth sailing with your changes as well!

    Susie, what exactly is it these men find so amusing? Oh, right…it’s that they aren’t on the receiving end!

  23. Hi Sara. I’ve been reading your blog for several months now, and have enjoyed it tremendously, but this is the first time I’ve ever commented.

    My husband and I started an HoH arrangement 1 month ago, and your blog has been quite influential on how we set things up in our marriage. Thank you so much for posting the good, the bad and the ugly.

    My husband follows Grant’s actions and comments very closely and admires how consistent he is with things. I think Grant has become his role model to a certain extent.

    I read this post with mixed feelings because it seems like this interaction didn’t follow the same rules of consistency that your husband has followed in the past. I thought that one benefit of an HoH arrangement is that each party knows what to expect. I don’t mean to be critical, but if the HoH is going to change the rules, doesn’t he need to let his wife know in advance? I think it would make me feel anxious to not know what to expect from day to day.

    Again, we are brand new to this, so I know that I don’t understand the dynamics well at all, and we are learning every day. Maybe it’s more important to be consistent when you are newbies like us, but then it’s okay to be inconsistent once you’ve been doing HoH for as long as you and your husband have?

    Thank you so much for you and your husband’s generosity in sharing so much of your story. I can’t tell you how helpful it’s been to us as a couple.

  24. I would have got it for that too. Not over a faucet but over the not caring enough about what he told me to do that I ‘forgot.’

  25. Yeah, I would have gotten spanked. Based on the nature of the “ongoing” known request, and definitely when he’d picked one up himself, then returned it at your request. Yup. No doubt.

    There are times I’m counting on the “if this then THAT” final warning and he spanks me without providing it. You bet I protest, and then I hear myself and it sounds pretty weak. And he drives that point home while I’m otk.

    And now every time you use that faucet you’ll remember the spanking. Wicked clever creatures…our hohs.

  26. Hi “Just Starting Out”! I hope subsequent posts and the comments have answered your questions? It is important to know what to expect and very important to communicate, but it’s also important to develop the capacity to just trust and roll with it. That takes time.

    Yep joanna, my head was for sure not in the right place!

    Stormy, I guess I won’t be counting on more obvious warnings anymore either. In truth, I have been more more attuned to Grant in the past. I think my focus had really drifted.

    That about sums it up Saoirse! :)

  27. Thanks for the response, Sara. I am still learning and taking it all in. I think we are at the yellow belt level and you are at the Ninja level, so I definitely have not learned yet to trust very far. Love having your example in front of us.

    I don’t think I would ever have considered taking this on had I not read your blog.The rational, yet honest, way you write is compelling.

    So many of the ttwd blogs are written by women that it’s been very helpful to my husband when Grant posts a comment. Also, the FAQ session was immensely helpful to him.

    thanks.

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