Revitalizing DD

I enjoy collecting sea glass, and one of my favorite places to be is at the beach, basically any beach. Warm is better. No crowds required. Here’s some of our finds from this trip:

my seaglass

I don’t think I mentioned here that we were taking a trip, but in early January we were lucky enough to be able to gather all of our children, the new fiancé included, and take a week on a warm tropical beach. With grown up children who have jobs, two still in college and our own work…well finding a whole week together is a gift. With much planning, negotiation, and not a bit of angst, we somehow made it happen.

It was a really special time. We’ve not been through the process of bringing a new family member into the fold. It’s a bit complicated, isn’t it? It turned out to be a wonderful week, one of fun and relaxation and bonding. Friendships were deepened between our children and our son’s intended, and Grant and I began to wrap our minds around the idea that we will soon have 4 children. We so want it to be like that. We have our fair share of typical dysfunctions, yet our family is close and we want to bring our son’s chosen in, to accept her and come to love her. After a week with the kids, they flew back home and we flew to Florida for two weeks alone. It was so needed; a very restorative and relaxing time to reconnect and enjoy. And, YES, my new hormone treatment is making a difference…the zing is reappearing. I’m not 100%, but I feel more like myself than I have in a year!

So, we’re back from an amazing 3 week vacation, back from our hiatus from DD, and back to ourselves. I think we will be continuing to develop a new version if us as a couple, a bit tweaked, but we have the past years to rely on as a basis. We know how to ride the bike, and that helps a lot.

A few things that have surprised me (so far) as we rev up DD:

Grant is a bit hesitant to push his authority as I am to accept it. Not that he’s very hesitant or I am very resistant, but we’re clearly out of practice and we’ve been catching ourselves in small things, moments of indecision on BOTH our parts. Muscles that don’t get used do get soft!Once Grant found his place as the HOH years back, he was pretty set in his ways and comfortable. Now, he’s working up to what will be right for us now….who we’ve become almost 8 years later, since we first began DD.

The punishment we went through while away was pretty hard on both of us, emotionally. I was compliant enough, but truly, deep in my heart, if he had changed his mind…and he seemed (to me) to be possibly wavering right before he started, I would have been fine with that. And that’s different as well. I think I am less interested, or needy (?) in terms of knowing I’ll be punished if necessary, and maybe part of me is kind of a tiny bit surprised that women in their mid-fifties, a woman whose son is getting married, a woman who will be a grandmother a few years out, a woman like me, is still is still going to get spanked!

blowing bublies


You see, he seemed to be wavering, once I got there. He demanded I go right in the bedroom and take my pants off. He followed me in 2 minutes, sat on a chair and insisted I go over his lap. And then we just…well he had me lay there, his hand on my bottom, holding that blasted ebony hairbrush that I thought was a good idea years ago to buy on Ebay (WHAT was I thinking?) …and then nothing.

1930's Vintage Ebony Hairbrush

1930’s Vintage Ebony Hairbrush

Finally he spoke. But it wasn’t scolding (yet) or anything about me really. His words were about him and us:

Grant: “I want you to understand that I really don’t want to do this.”

Sara: “Oh…well…ok.” “

Sara: “Um…so what do you want to do?”

“I really don’t want to hurt you. It hurts me to hurt you.”

“Have you changed your mind? We don’t have to do this.” (Little happy dance begins in my head)

Grant: “I’m still very upset with you.”

Sara: “I understand and I’m really sorry for what I did. It was awful.”

Grant: “I know you’re sorry.”

  ….and I’m still OTK. (Not the most comfortable position may I point out??)

Sara; “Do you want to not do DD anymore, or for now, not have punishments? Is that what you are saying?”

Grant: “Oh absolutely not! You’re getting punished and I’m still very angry with you! I just wanted to let you know I wish I didn’t have to.

Sara: “Yah…well me too!”

So close to escape…and yet…not. But it was interesting that he had to take time to work himself up to a true punishment. As much as my husband enjoys spanking me, and he truly does, punishments are still hard. I’m kind of glad too. They shouldn’t be easy for eihter of us. I’m not sure how I would have felt if he had backed out. In the past I know I would have been, strangely disappointed. I think at this time in my life, where I am with TTWD, which is different from it was several years ago, I would have been simply relieved.

But, would it have been the beginning of the slide down that slippery slope of disrespect, of knowing that at the end of the day, I do what I do and consequences are not going to be a part of our marriage, at least not the kind he’s in charge of, which at the end of the day means he wouldn’t really be in charge of me or us? It looks like I won’t have the chance to find out…but I expect that is exactly what would unfortunately happen, should he allow it. Where a vacuum of authority exists, something or someone will rush to fill it.

So that’s where we are…rebuilding what we have, this thing we do.

A funny side note, as we cuddled in bed after the spanking, I asked him why he never removed my panties. He looked surprised for a moment. He never leaves them on for a punishment! He softly chuckled and said:

Grant: “You know, I was so aggravated with you I simply forgot!”
Sara: “Hmmm, works for me!”
Grant: Swat, “Brat!”
Sara: “Ow!”

24 thoughts on “Revitalizing DD

  1. Oh, I love that you still have some sass in you. :)

    What a journey you have been on this past year. I’m glad that you have come to a place where the storms aren’t quite so rough and that you can enjoy moments of simply being together. You sound like you have settled in and have found peace…and I’m so glad.

  2. Can I tell you how happy I am when I hear your story (and your ages … I think I’ve missed this in the past). We’re mid-forties and stumbling and bumbling our way along a D/s journey in a relationship that has already been long established. Some blogs I read make it seem so easy, some are dictatorial or micro-managing, and some seem to come from a place far more dysfunctional … er, differently functional than our marriage.

    And so when I read of couples that seem to be normal (I know, I know, that word is relative), happy, healthy, functioning folks, making it work through trial and error, even while parenting, through illness, despite financial ups and downs, and regardless of emotional distraction, it makes me feel good to know that D/s does not have to be perfect, I am not a “bad sub” he is not a “weak Dom.”

    Sorry to ramble. Thanks for sharing your story.

  3. This post made me smile on many levels. It is so good to read that you are both finding your way back, not to the same old, but to something that will hopefully keep you close. I love walking the beach, and have made many a bracelet out of the sand glass. Bing a grandma is the whipped cream of life, my family has expanded…all the more love and fun!
    hugs abby

  4. You did WHAT ??!! (buying ebony hairbrush on Ebay).Did you loose your marbles/your head/both ? It all comes back to roost, ya know !

    You have captured perfectly the fact that a punishment is/should be no fun whatsoever for either party.

    Peter spanks me with glee, relish and aplomb too…but punishments are a wholly different situation.

    You seem to be making every effort to bring your new d/r into the fold. I bet she feels very well cared for.

    Peter still harps back to the meal my mother made when he was first introduced to my family (roast beef and yorkshire puddings, in case you are interested).What he loved too was the fact that my brothers and sister bounded in to the room to ‘inspect ‘ him. My Dad died a few years ago but we still laugh about the fact that he asked Peter his view on the European Convention of Human Rights (he had a mouthful of beef partly chewed at the time).In his own inimitable way he was trying to make this aspiring young lawyer welcome.Oh dear, I do miss him. You guys enjoy your new growing family.


  5. It was always going to be difficult to resume this part of your arrangement. I think it was helpful that there was such a clear infraction–if it was subject to interpretation, he might well have continued to vacillate.

    My wife still muses about being in her fifties and getting spanked, too.

    My answer is, you’re both just lucky, I guess.

  6. Ana, I think the sass came back with the zing! ;) It seems to be very much part of who I am.

    Linda, no D/s does not have to be perfect and can’t be, bc we are not perfect people, any of us. One reason I try to share openly s to let people know that a “normal” (?) couple can and do live this lifestyle successfully.

    Abby, now that made ME smile! I DO love whipped cream! :)

    Sarah, sometimes when we begin Dd we get over enthusiastic and think we need to collect every implement we see. Then our husbands use them and we realize we were very stupid, but THEY won’t give the good ones up!?! He loves that hairbrush as much as I hate it. My marbles are long gone!

    Mick, I am sure you’re right and I’m determined to NOT be so helpful again! :???:

  7. Sara,
    This is such a great post. I love that Grant doesn’t want to punish you; my Will feels the same way. For us, punishments are extraordinarily rare, and they are very humbling to both of us, I think. It sounds like you two are in a really good place, rebuilding DD to fit where you are now, and where you are going in the future.

    PS I get swatted for being a brat, too, lol. It’s so good to have humor in marriage, even if it is for displaying swattable brattiness. ;)

  8. Despite the circumstances, the happiness in your post is undeniable. It is very nice to hear of you and Grant revitalizing your dd relationship. It was very touching that he didn’t want to punish you, but then reminded me so much of my husband when he quickly switched gears to the fact that it was going to happen.
    It sounds very much like flirting between you two, and I love it.

  9. Hey Sara – So happy to hear your hormone treatment is working!

    It is wonderful to hear that you are both finding your way back within the TTWD framework. It really can’t be the ‘same’ since neither of you are the ‘same’ as you were but it sounds as if you are working together to make it right for the the people you are now. Wishing you the best of luck in your rebuilding.



  10. We have a vacation booked for later this year in a place where there’s great sea glass. So pretty! Your growing family sounds lovely and I’m glad you got that treat of time with them. :)

    I couldn’t help but think back to a spanking you talked about some months ago where It just fell flat. No banter, no spice between the two of you. I know how hard these kinds of spankings are so believe me, I’m not teasing but you two just sound so much more like “you.” As you are so good about telling us, you’ll find your way back…and hopefully with very few of these hairbrush moments.

  11. Ahhh… the ebb and flow…..even though we are starting out and you are years into your journey it seems as though this thing is ever changing and dynamic. I guess that’s what keeps it interesting. Great post!


  12. Elisa, we are in a good place and feels so good to be back there! And I think brattiness is part of the job, no? How else does he get a chance to swat?

    Lillie, he is big in integrity, doing what is his responsibility to do for me and us. If that’s punishment then he sometimes has to gear up. And yes, we still flirt! ;)

    HRT is surely a big part of the mix here Cat, and maybe some time too…healing in all kinds of ways.

    Susie, I know what you mean, and we “feel” like us again too. It is just…well we’re sooo happy to have found ourselves!

    Sam, I am learning that your words are true and wise….this thing we do is as life is, ever-changing.

  13. hi Sara, This is a lovely tale, It is good to hear that you are getting your mojo back. My husband is not keen on punishing me either, but we too have a bleeping hairbrush:( Our eldest son recently married a lovely girl, They have been together for a few years now and I count her as the daughter I never had. She calls me mum so I guess she is happy too. Our youngest has just got a girlfriend and we are due to meet next week. It’s scary. Glad you had a great holiday, Love Jan.x

  14. I love this post Sara. I’m so glad you got the opportunity for some vacation time with the whole family. It sounds wonderful. Glad the hormone therapy is working too :)

    It sounds as though you making great positive steps in establishing what ttwd means for you now. It does seem to be every changing and evolving.

    My husband enjoys spanking me too, but true punishment is a different matter all together.


  15. I also love walks on the beach and I am a collector. “Some of everything” really. But what is that brown thing in the upper right hand corner? It doesn’t look like sea glass. Just curious.
    Your family is growing in #s and in love. So wonderful to hear! And yes, I think every family is dysfunctional in some way. Just the nature of families I suppose.
    I must say, that ebony brush looks so wicked that I doubt that a thin layer of material would have made *any* difference. But changes in the usual are always what stand out. Aren’t they?
    From what I read here- some things are getting back to where they were.
    Changes are good, but sometimes “the familiar” is a great place to come back to. :-)

  16. Definitely-you both are back and that is such a pleasure to see-and to hear the joy in your ‘voice’. Sounds like a great vacation and I’m glad the whole family had that wonderful experience. Those memories last forever because the kids are old enough to remember. Enjoy, enjoy! I need to get back to work…..

  17. Thank you for sharing with us Sara. Your banter at the end sounds familiar :) I have to say I much prefer your sea glass photo to the hair brush one. Funny though, this time last year the photo of a hair brush wouldn’t have evoked any emotions what so ever. What do you do with your sea glass ? Do you display it in some special way?

    I’m happy to hear you had a good 3 weeks!

  18. Jan, it sounds like we are in a similar place in life. And yes, those “bleeping hairbrushes” …

    Roz, it turned out to be a wonderful vacation on so many levels, not just pleasant but meaningful. And yes, it will be interesting to see how our version of DD evolves from here.

    Elysia, the brown thing in the upper right corner of the picture is petrified bones, I think.

    Thanks Saoirse, it’s so nice to be back (here). I could have stayed with the palm trees with no complaints!

    So the hairbrush makes you shudder too, Willie. It’s used carefully…he understands the impact, thankfully! I collect the glass and for now put it in sherry glasses for display. One day there may be a project….

  19. “Where a vacuum of authority exists, something or someone will rush to fill it.” – How true!

    Yay for vacations and warm beaches and bonding and time together and zing and all that good stuff! :)

    It must be strange in a way, to almost feel like you’re starting over with ttwd after having had it as a part of your relationship for so long. It seems like you and G are being very deliberate and taking things at your own pace. It sounds like there’s good communication going on too. I’m happy for the two of you! :)

  20. Your trip sounds like it was lovely — nothing like some warm weather and palm trees this time of year. That punishment sounds challenging (especially given the picture of the brush…), it must have been hard to get back into the groove of it, but it’s great you both stuck to it. I always think of it like working out: you never want it, but then feel much better once it happens.

  21. First daughter law, I hear you. It’s a complex relationship. Way more frustrating than blood kin who really have to come back and connect with you after a mishap. Ultimately very rewarding, like anything that requires work and then works. Trust me, the dynamics of this relationship cross all socio economic boundaries. Either she’s shy and retires into a cocoon of hurt (while you seriously can’t remember the problem) or she’s brash and defensive. Either way you can bet there’s a conversation about ‘your mother’ going on.
    Words of advice:
    Back off on physical affection with your son for a bit. She’s carving her territory and it takes a good six months before she can relax in that.
    Downplay your skills. “Glad my roast beef dinner is your favorite son, but you should have seen some of the meals we had in the early days.” accompanied, of course, with suitably embellished stories. Feel free to tell them that you’d have hung his father for saying that.
    If he’s dense enough to compare you, or try to get you to take sides – and what young man isn’t? – stand with her if you can. My sons (3 are married) know better than to run home to mama.
    Offer advice when asked for it. If you wait long enough she’ll come to you.
    During the wedding remember the adage about mothers of the groom. “Show up, shut up, and wear beige.” Do a bang up job of anything she gives you to do but whatever you do, don’t get between her and her mother. Weddings are hell.
    If she’s driving you mad, bite your tongue and bear it. A relationship with your grand kids is worth it.
    Don’t give them money unless it’s an emergency. Not being able to pay the phone bill is the only way he’ll learn to be a leader.
    She’s a fortunate girl to come into your family but she’s got to figure that out for herself.
    BUT then there are son in laws … Sigh.

  22. Spending time as a family when they are older gets harder and harder so that is very special.

    I think if we ever got to a point where he wanted to give punishments that would be a big problem for me. They are not fun and should not be something that either of us enjoys. We should and do enjoy all the benefits to us and our relationship but the actual punishment spanking not so much.

    It seems like the two of you are truly finding your way back to a new you. It’s nice to see.

  23. Thanks so much for being so open and sharing. That is great you could get everyone together and have the intended join in.

  24. Grace, we are indeed starting over. Starting for the 2nd time is way easier (I hope?) but still, it’s still starting over, testing waters, seeing what works and doesn’t, and communicating.

    Riley, spanking altogether is a lot like working out, needing what you don’t want. Punishment…well I never want it!!! (But..shhh…if he never did it. I’d fall away from him. WE would never work the way we do.)

    Wow Bea…THANK YOU!!! I will reread this comment 100 times in the next year and no doubt be very grateful for your voice of obvious experience!

    Zoe, yeah, I truly don’t know any good man who would enjoy punishing his wife. That doesn’t mean there’s not a sexual dynamic…bc when is there not between lovers?

    Thanks for hanging in and still reading here Jean!

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