Puzzle Pieces

For a while now, this is what our lives have looked like. So many random puzzle pieces, mostly in disarray. I wasn’t even sure we had all the pieces, let alone are we sure how to fit them all back together. The edge is in place. When assembling a large puzzle, if you have that border built, that boundary gives you the shape and then you can begin to fill in the pieces. In marriage I guess that border would be the commitment and the love. Love is important, but it is not enough. Commitment is what gets you through the roughest parts of this thing called marriage.

It seems there are so many pieces to our puzzle that it’s hard to know if we even have them all collected yet. We’ve spent the last week, as my body has substantially healed, and Grant is beginning to feel substantially better, to try to find our scattered pieces.

I collected as many as I could, and I’ve been holding on. Now Grant is finding some missing pieces, and it feels more like a  joint effort, which is of course, what a good marriage needs to be.

And we want a good marriage. Being married is not the goal. Having a vibrant and fulfilling relationship is our goal. Growing and evolving together, as a couple, and as individuals. So much easier said than done, but I don’t want to settle. Neither does he.

So about those pieces. We’re talking a bit more, and we’ve agreed there are a few things we just won’t talk about, at least for right now. We’ve decided that when either of us feels we’re nearing an emotionally dangerous place, when we feel we might be nearing upheaval or upset, we will say “I need to table this”, and we will allow the other to walk away. It can be taken up later. While I think we’re both impatient, we’re taking a long-term view of the rebuilding of our marriage, reestablishing the communication and the trust. As long as we both know there will be consistent effort, we can try to be patient with each other, to give it and ourselves time. I’m leaving tomorrow for a week at the beach with our daughter. We both think the away time will be a good thing, which is not common for us. But then, these are uncommon times. 

Last night we went out on a date, the first in many months. It was nice, fun even. We had dinner and actually enjoyed each others company.  Possibly due to the two martinis and possibly because I was ready, we were able to connect intimately last night, and while neither my body nor my heart is healed, nor his for that matter, it was a good place to start. I slept in his arms, and that is healing for us both.

Aside from one gentle attempt, there really has been no spanking for  many months. Two weeks ago we talked about the lack.  He told me he would not even try until he judged I was ready, physically and emotionally.  That was reassuring. He told me last night that he wants to spank me today. “Nothing too intense, but I think we need to make a start.” I simply said “ok”. It is ok. Well, I think it will be.

I’m hoping for a hand spanking. I think we need to feel each other that way. I think we need to start back at the beginning. Somehow it all feels new again, and even a bit scary. But I am willing to try, and so is he.

29 thoughts on “Puzzle Pieces

  1. You are exactly right on all accounts Sara. The analogy of the lost puzzle pieces is perfect. A few years ago I embarrassingly had to search in the area where I’d thrown a handful of them! I’m happy for your vacation with your daughter and that you’ve positioned yourselves on this gentle path. Hugs, KayLynn

  2. Compared to a month ago, things sound MUCH better. Not where you want to be–still lots more to heal through, but I should think this would be very encouraging. Wishing you continued blessings

  3. I love the puzzle analogy, and also what you said about being married not being the goal…how it’s the relationship and the quality of that relationship that’s really at the heart of things. It sounds like you are taking some important steps together toward making your relationship vibrant and fulfilling again. Hope the next step takes you even further!

  4. Ahhh Sara~~~

    You and Grant are back on the road again,yeahhhhh! You see there is light and the road has somewhat staighten out…..the road of marriage its not an easy one but it sure has its curves turns and unexpected twists…..contiue ….you and Grant are on the right road….so it appears!!!

    Annie~~~

  5. This was great to read Sara. Good word picture about the puzzle pieces, but the date night–Yay! And, and a promised spanking-Yay again. Cheering loudly out here for you.

  6. Things sound much better. I hope they continue to improve. A week at the beach can heal many things. Have fun.

  7. This is a lovely post Sara and the puzzle analogy is neat. I’m glad for your date night and gentle attempt. I hope today goes well. After all this time as a Dd couple, it actually reads very sweetly that trying a spanking feels new all over again.

  8. So lovely to see that you are both doing better and moving forward. I’m so glad that you had a nice evening and hope that today goes well and begins that new connection. Baby steps sometimes are good.

  9. That sounds like a great way to start back. I’m wondering how the change there will effect further open communication. Not that you should rush, and I like the rules that you have for the discussions. But it will be interesting to see how this “new start” plays out.
    Almost like starting over- so interesting. Do fill us in- and I’m so glad the tides have turned.
    Enjoy the beach!

  10. I hope things go well in your reconnection. I’m not sure what to add but I have read your last several posts and thank you for sharing the real parts of your life with us.

  11. I am almost in tears. This was such a deep and beautiful post. I think that we are all trying to get all the pieces to fit together instead of giving up. I especially like how you described you both searching and working to find the missing ones. I am so glad that you are reconnecting. Have fun at the beach!

  12. It does take time to get those complicated puzzles put together. But once you get a few sections going it will seem a lot less overwhelming. It’s great to hear things are settling down a bit. I hope your week at the beach is peaceful and relaxing.

  13. It’s beautiful to witness two people working toward something so precious as marriage. There just isn’t enough of that anymore. I’m glad you two are taking the narrow road, the one less traveled, because it leads to best destination. God Bless You and Yours, Belle L.

  14. Oh…LOVELY! Cheering for you and respecting just how hard you and Grant are fighting for your relationship.

  15. Hi Sara
    Lovely post. I hope things went well for you and Grant. It sounded like it was going to be very intimate and bonding – I am very envious. My hubby and I are really having some problems with this lifestyle at the moment, and we have no experience or dd relationship skills to utilize. My guy told me he “wanted to take me upstairs for a talk” (code for a spanking) and I said no – absolutely not – I felt it was only happening because I had brought up the subject. Not very submissive, is it? You are an inspiration to women like myself, and I really appreciate your blog.

  16. I think that you and Grant have what it takes for your border to be complete. And in the end, there may be some missing pieces. Sometimes you could just accidently be sitting on it or it is under his hand.
    Hope you have a great time at the beach

  17. I like the way he said he ‘wants to make a start ‘. A nice mix of assertive,reassuring and purposeful. Something you can wrap your head around.Sarah,LD,UK

  18. These last few entries are very moving and very wise. Love is indeed a choice, and it seems that you and Grant are doing it well in very difficult circumstances. May the healing be sure and steady.

  19. Your story is inspirational and amazing. The place you are in now is hard but the commitment you both have has brought you so far and you still have each other. You both have so much more than most people ever experience.

    I could relate to your feelings about your mom. I lost mine when she was 41 to cancer. Both my brother and I were scared when we reached that point in our lives and feel that we are in ‘bonus years’ now. I am 58 and feel lucky to be alive and healthy.

    I just discovered your blog and have read almost all of it. No other sites I have seen seem to acknowledge that respect and commitment are key components of Dd. In fact your blog is the only one that has made sense of choosing that lifestyle as a highly desirable way to live. It is really eye opening and totally heart warming to read about how you and your husband have built the foundation of trust and worked hard to keep it. I hope so much that it will strengthen again as quickly as possible. It seems that with all that you two have gone through in the recent past that your current situation is almost a logical step (dealing with the pain and fear does weird things to us) necessary to recalibrate and refine how you want to go forward. I hope I am not coming across as invalidating your pain. I guess I think you are very fortunate to have something to fight for/work toward and if history is any indication you will do it again.

    I wish you the very very best in the future for you both and in your lives together in love, respect, commitment, and health.

  20. I just caught up on your last couple posts. I am very happy all your tests came out negative.

    I am sure you and Grant will make it through just fine. You both have gone through so much in such a short time, mentally and physically. Give yourself a chance to heal and enjoy life, do what makes you happy.

    Menapause and hot flashes suck.

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