Without Dd

So why am I still blogging? I guess a couple of people are wondering. I think I am still here because I have persistently believed it was important to talk about the realities of life, of marriage, and of course, of living with Domestic discipline. At this moment we are living without, but I somehow feel I still have some things worth saying.

I have thought long and hard about writing about this, and ultimately decided it needed to be said. We are not actively living a Dd lifestyle. I can hardly believe I am writing this. After all, we have consistently for near 7 years… but in truth, right now we are not. When relationships suffer or lose their Dd mojo, most bloggers fade into the sunset. They either quietly disappear, or they say “good bye” and bow out. Why is that? I think it is partly out of shame and partly because it’s not quite polite to talk about unpleasantries. I’m about to get unpleasant.

In my life right now, there’s no spanking, no discipline, no typical dominance or submission.  What would I possibly have to share? I’ve been contemplating that question. Of course it has occurred to me to go quiet…to spare myself and my readers our sense of confusion and loss and pain. I’ve decided not to do that.

Why? Because the unspoken truth is that others in this community live and love with similar hardships. We all like to think of and present our Dominant partner as being together, healthy and strong, and ourselves, the submissive partner, as being the one who takes direction and correction. That’s the perfect model but real life is not made up of perfection alone.

I have a friend in a DD marriage whose husband suffers from depression and anxiety. At times it affects his ability to function well. Right now, while he is not well, there is no Dd. I have another whose husband has Parkinson’s Disease. PD is complicated, but first there was Dd for years, then eventually it was sporadic, and now they can play with D/s, but he is not consistently well enough to be the HoH.

My husband has a neurological condition that has been in remission for years. For a while I have seen signs, but now it is very clear that he is ill again. In his case his perceptions and moods are effected, and his ability to function well is compromised. There can be no Dd….at least not at this time.

How you get from here to there is such a tough thing. Seeing signs, figuring out of it is you or him, and then putting Dd on hold is beyond painful. You ask yourself, “Is this an argument, like so many we’ve had, where we just can’t see eye to eye, or is this something more?” And you don’t know for a while. But one day it begins to dawn, then becomes clear that something is wrong. Your wonderful loving and dominant man is just ‘not himself’. I’m sure what that looks like is different for each of us, but I know I am not alone.

And then what? Do I withdraw consent? Tell him he’s no longer HoH? Pull the rug out from under the man I love who’s already suffering? I will if I have to, and I want to be very clear about that. Thankfully, I have not had to…so far. Because of my recovery from surgery, because of his awareness, it goes unspoken that Dd is on hold.

I remember reading in The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle her advice that if your husband is not 100% reliable, if he is an alcoholic, has severe psychological problems, has anger management problems, has been physically violent, surrendering control is not a good idea. It’s not. It’s not smart or healthy or in any way a viable idea to surrender or submit to a partner who can’t take care of you emotionally. If you’re not safe to free fall with your Dominant then don’t let go!

I’m waiting. It’s so hard…to wait for my guy to regain his footing, to return to himself. There are Doctors and I have hope. Until then, my HoH is unable to lead, and as smoothly as I can, I am steering our ship. It’s not the job I would have chosen, but it’s the job that needs doing.

I have been beyond sad, and so alone, because he’s here, but not here in the ways he was, in the ways I need him to be. But he’s ill. My needs are not being met. His needs are not being met.  We are beyond unhappy. But…we take things day by day.

“In sickness and in health…” Easier said than done.

My husband is still dominant, well..because that is naturally what he is. But he’s giving me lots of room. What remains for me is a quiet submission. I am trying hard to take care of myself, to be kind to my husband, to hold us together. I am trying hard to be there for him even when I don’t feel close to him. I am trying to stay as open as I can, where and when I can. I am trying to honor all we have built together and all I have learned and become in these last 7 years, without his guidance.  I’m holding on.

45 thoughts on “Without Dd

  1. DD isn’t a lifestyle for weak people. If it has to be put on hold or even come to an end and you recognise that, even if it is still your ideal – well you still have the ideal in common and the memories in common and the friends in common – and facing a new challenge at the same time in common. In sickness and in health – not easy when you are freshly grieving for your livable ideal. But I’m glad you’re holding on and showing integrity. I wish you every bit of luck going to hold right on. It’s just part of life.

  2. God knows your needs, his needs, and all involved. I will continue to pray that God will wrap his arms around you, guide you, protect you, love you, and let you know He will never leave you or forsake you. God Bless You and Yours, Belle L.

  3. I am a lurker who only found your blog recently, but have since read it from the beginning. I have the utmost respect for your honestly and openness and sincerely hope that you will continue to tell your story. It is incredibly important for people to realize that life is not perfect and that to blog only when it is fun/easy/ideal is really to mis-represent reality. My heart and thoughts are with you and your husband and I want you to know that you have helped and touched my life and have made me a better women and wife. I wish you nothing but the best. Leigh

  4. Even though I’m (necessarily) missing the particulars and the details, I still feel confident in saying: I understand.

    I’m glad you’re still blogging. However awkward it feels, self-expression is therapeutic. And the more personal you get, the more universally it’s received. (I don’t understand the effect, but it seems to be true of all writing.) Sometimes when you feel disappointed in yourself, you look at what you write and are disappointed in that too. But the feeling passes when you’re in a better place with yourself, and until then, in the act of self-expression you’ve given yourself some of the support you need. And maybe received some support from others who are moved by what you write.

    Your last paragraph shows you are doing the right things in the most difficult of circumstances. Stay strong, and keep sharing.

  5. Stay Strong Sara. Belle L has given good advice above. God does know your needs. Keep blogging, keep working, and keep loving. This is just a season.
    You know where you’ve been and you know where you want to go. Thinking of you and Grant. You can do this! Big hugs, SNP

  6. Showing integrity means a lot to me joanna. Thank you.

    Thanks Belle!

    I appreciate you de-lurking Leigh! My blog has helped me to be a better woman and wife. It is such a lovely thing to know, such a compliment, that it has also somehow helped you. That means a great deal Leigh!

    Kevan, Sigmund Freud discovered many years ago that speaking our inner thoughts out loud to another helped people to see and understand themselves in new ways. I’d imagine writing is much like that…and it’s way cheaper! ;)

    SNP…”This is just a season”. I am choosing to believe just that!

  7. Sara

    Ahhhhhh marriage,,,long road,full of twist and turns and unplanned events…Things change, welcomb and unwelcomed it is change……..hang in …make well thought out decisions …….another change will come by, one you will well wished for…….You two are in for the long road trip …..;-) so it appears…I feel from your missives things cannot but get better……

    Annie

  8. I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s illness. I’ll be praying for both of you, asking God to bring healing to your husband and strength to you.

  9. That’s quite a one two punch you guys have been given, your illness and now his. I’m so sorry Sara. It’s got to be rough. And for the record, I’m SO happy that you’re still blogging, DD or not. To me this journey is about life and about marriage and relationships, about our trials and our triumphs, the changes and challenges, and all that happens along the way. My prayers are with you and Grant as I hope for the best for both of you! <3

  10. I am very glad you are still blogging. Your contribution is important, regardless of the topic, regardless of what is or is not going on in your life. Sending good thoughts your way today.

  11. Annie, we are indeed in for the long haul. Things could get worse…but I am hoping for better!

    Thanks Sunny Girl…Normalcy. Is it near NiceTown? I’d better check my GPS for directions!

    Thank you Dana. I am praying too.

    Grace, we will keep on truckin’…and that’s all we’ve got. I do truly believe that our Dd journey has prepared me to handle this setback with more strength and more grace than I otherwise would have had.

    Susan, I am glad I am still able to blog too, and I am grateful for your support!

  12. I agree with Leigh. Speaking for myself, life is messy. When I read blogs that only talk about how great things are, I feel like my life is a total nightmare. I’m thankful that you’re willing to share your trials with us. For one thing, it lets me know that others live in the real world. For another, it allows those of us who care about you, even though we only know you through your blog, to pray for you and offer support in any way we can. That makes me feel more like life is worth living! I’m so sorry for all that you and Grant have been through and continue to go through. Just know we all cherish you both and are pulling for you. Besides, our “therapy” is free! :-). Hang in there!

    Hugs and blessings,
    D.

  13. Sara, you sound stronger, no matter how you’re feeling.

    No doubt there are other couples where the HOH has gotten sick and the submissive had to step up. As our age progresses, suspect that my health will break down before Lynda’ and she’ll have take care of me. One of the things I’m trying to do is help her find her strength before that happens. Of course, it might not happen that way.

    I have a lot of hope that Grant will find healing. It may feel like your relationship has degraded, but life’s difficulties have a way off propelling us forward to new places, which is what I hope for you.

  14. Sara,
    On behalf of those of us who are learning and finding our way in ttwd, thank you for sharing this with us. I know it must have been hard to both decide on and write. In some way or form each of us will face this at some point in our futures and once again you are a example for us of someone who, as you said, is trying to honor what you have learned and become in these past years. You and others who have been Dd couples for some time have all talked about how real submission makes us stronger women, more truly ourselves and I hope therefore, more able to maturely stand strong through the tough stuff. I’m guessing that at the same time, it also hurts more, b/c the emotional closeness changes and lack of the physicality of Dd might lead to a feeling of being adrift. How incredibly tough.

    Hope is huge and my husband and I will hope with you through this. As you hang in there and wait patiently, I trust there are moments of sweetness and connection that get you through the days and keep that hope alive.

    Again…thanks for blogging and being so real.

  15. Accepting any frailty of my husband’s, physical or emotional, is very difficult for me. As a submissive woman, his strength is what I find attractive and makes me feel safe. As he is a mere mortal, I have to accept my husband’s weaknesses, but it is a tremendous struggle.

    I love what The Prophet says about the undulations in a loving relationship. Gibran’s chapter on Love could be written for domestic discipline (in my humble opinion).

    Gibran talks of the ways of love being hard and steep, its pinions wounding, and love threshing, grinding and kneeding us,
    “All these things shall love do unto to you, that you may now the secrets of your heart.”
    I think, Sara, you and Grant are in such a time of trial. A time without the physical component of dd must be frightening and difficult, but can these difficulties reveal dimensions to your relationship as yet undiscovered? Can you grow together through this time?

    And…..please don’t stop writing here, Sara! Many people, myself and my husband included, come to this later in life. We need your eloquent words of wisdom and experience as much as ever we need anecdotes.
    Take care and God bless.
    Lillian

  16. Sara,

    I too had a husband who had some anxiety and depression. I couldn’t free fall with him. I had to relinquish the power exchange. I didn’t stop writing either. I didn’t stop loving. We did eventually split up, but my journey was important. It was important to me primarily because I needed a place to mull with others whose opinions I value. Writing helps me reflect more clearly also. Not to mention there’s others out there who experience this and silence isn’t going to get me in community with them. I’m glad you aren’t keeping silent.

    Eventually, I have come back to another Dd relationship. A new one which I cherish, but we are both realistic about the situation. There will be changes as we age. If one of us becomes ill, we’ll have to make changes.

    But one thing I’ve learned is that power exchange can be fluid enough to let life have room to effect us without causing the exchange to utterly disintegrate. We use rituals to affirm our relationship. Simple ones like putting on the sleep collar at night. Or sometimes I bring him a collar and ask him to put it on. Instead of making a correction with a spanking, maybe he’ll give me a verbal spanking. Power exchange doesn’t have to be all about sex and beatings or all about him being in complete charge of stuff. That can be burdensome anyway…but perhaps he can still be in charge of little things. For instance Conor wants his Qtip holder filled before it’s empty. He wants me to keep his coffee mugs in a certain place. Those are services I provide him. It’s not elaborate, but it is the essence of our power exchange. I learned when things fell apart with my last marriage that I could emphasize ways we still shared things we valued with each other and not get so caught up in things we can’t share…

    But it is hard. There’s lot’s of emotion about all this…and blogging was an important source of mindfulness for me. It seems it may be for you too. Keep on blogging!

  17. D, Here’s to for free therapy for us all! 

    Mick, I am indeed stronger. I am taking care of myself and rising to the occasion. I am sad, but I am hopeful as well that Grant will heal and we will find our way back to where we want to be.

    Susie, there are indeed moments of sweetness and we cling to those. I do think Dd has put us in a better place to be kinder, try harder, expect more, and support ourselves and each other in better ways.

    Lillian, “As he is a mere mortal, I have to accept my husband’s weaknesses, but it is a tremendous struggle.” I am pretty sure every woman who is drawn to this lifestyle feels the same. But we do what we have to. And we hope we will grow from it.

    Alais, I appreciate the reminder that the journey is where we learn. Yes, I do small things to remind me of that part of my role. But my role has vastly expanded right now, and it confuses and saddens us both.

  18. I’m glad you are still blogging. I find that even just plain old blogging about thoughts and feelings is therapeutic in general, even if it’s not about DD. I still enjoy reading what people have to say and hearing about what is going on in their lives.
    Thoughts and prayers to you both!

  19. I think that the tough times that you share are, in many ways, more valuable than the easy times. I know when you were not blogging I missed your writing and your insights and I appreciate it every time I see a new post from you and your comments as well. You have made such a difference to me and I know so many others and I hope you never feel that you can’t or shouldn’t write.

    I am happy to read that you have hope about Grant’s illness. It cannot be easy moving from your illness to his. I hope you feel the support you have here and hope that in some way it helps you as you find your way through these struggles. Hang in there. Happy 4th!

  20. I believe your blog is and always has been about the journey. What you are experiencing right now is one more step on that journey and as long as you wish to share I, for one, wish to read. You should only stop when it feels right to you.

    Be well and I will add be strong.

    J.

  21. I am so very happy that you continue blogging. As far as I am concerned, this IS still part of your DD journey. Thank you for all that you share to this community.

  22. Perhaps the stress of your illness led to his condition’s reappearance. It certainly must have been a tough time for both of you. I hope you both recover fully, but whether or not you go back to Dd, please continue to blog. We need to know that these things happen. It is a reality that people’s health and relationships change. To think that Dd can prevent these sorts of changes is a fantasy.

  23. Thanks for the support Emi J!

    Zoe, we have indeed been through a rough few months between the two of us, but hope springs eternal. Happy 4th to you too!

    Thank you J. Yes, it is indeed about the journey.

    Renee, I have rethought the “without Dd” title. You’re right…this is all part of it.

    A-Non, I have no doubt that the stress of my illness was a contributor to his flare up. Dd does not make or break a marriage, but as it gave us tools to build ours, it still is giving me tools to continue to uphold our values and understand what works and does not in our marriage. That’s a big help.

  24. I can’t add anything to the excellent comments left by so many, and can only wish you and Grant the best as you continue your journey. Thank you for blogging right through the difficulties and for always being real.

  25. I’m so sorry to hear that G is not well. H and I are rooting for his recovery and for strength for you to continue your quiet submission. Submission needn’t always be overt, and this gentle surrender you mention, may be helping you feel connected to G, like “carrying on in spirit”.

    There’s a great deal of wisdom in The Surrendered Wife. It isn’t always appropriate to submit in “all ways and in all things”, especially if an HOH is not well.

    Boy, life has handed you quite a bit of challenges lately. I do hope the tide turns soon.

  26. I hope Grant gets better soon Sara. What a rough time for you both. I am also glad you are still blogging and as comments above, this is all still part of your d/d journey and I think it’s important still to share for as long as you are willing to share.

    Dee x

  27. Others have already said it more eloquently than I can but, the hard times can teach us just as much, if not more, than than the easy times. Thank you so much for continuing to share what you learn with the rest of us!

  28. I couldn’t agree more with Mick that you sound stronger. You sound like you are in the midst of an unbelievably difficult time with yet another challenge to deal with…but you sound like you are finding your strength and your resilience.

    Bless you for sharing the really difficult parts. It’s the idea that ttwd is all love and roses that leads to unrealistic expectations and broken relationships. We need more bloggers like you who are willing to say that sometimes we don’t even know what is going on.

    I am even more glad to know that you have a counselor to talk to.

    This reminds me of a saying that someone gave to me when I was in the hospital for an extended period:

    “God never gives us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wish God didn’t have such a good opinion of me.”

    Hugs.

  29. wow Sara, I just wrote about the same thing, about not submitting in a bad circumstance. You know, I am so glad that you talked about not giving up blogging, and I truely think that no matter what is going on you should continue if you want to. You have such great insight, and so many readers that love to read here.
    Since we are also a couple who had to put dd on hold, I think it’s great that you are continuing to blog. I also wondered the same thing, why should I continue to write here if it’s not about dd or D/s or whatever. I think if people want to stop reading they can… but I think your readers will happily stay.
    Keep hanging on :) hugs hugs hugs

  30. Thanks so much L.

    Elysia, “carrying on in spirit” is a perfect way to put it. Those are the exact words I was looking for!

    Dee, I will do my best to keep writing and sharing.
    Tess, yes, the hard times teach us all…but sheesh, when is the next school holiday?

    “God never gives us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wish God didn’t have such a good opinion of me.” Thanks for the chuckle Ana! 

    And hugs right back at ya, Ally!

  31. Sara, I’m so sorry for the challenges facing you and Grant right now. I pray that you will both come out the otherside stronger. Just because DD is on hold right now doesn’t mean you don’t have wisdom and experience to share. There is also a lot of support here, who of us can’t use that.

  32. Sickness and in health…. we truly don’t realize what we are saying when we say it but I believe God carries us when we can’t quiet make it on our own.

    You are so right… some of us do fade away when Dd isn’t being practiced… for me it’s too painful some days to read of others wonderful Dd days when ours has been so far away for so long.

    My husband has been suffering from depression for most of our marriage. Medication helps but he won’t talk to a therapist so we just keep on keeping on and I too guide our ship the best I can… not wanting to guide but someone has to.

    Dear Sara… I can relate to every word you write… it’s very painful to have to go through but I also hate that you and Grant are in our same boat. Do know that you are in good company…. there are many of us dealing with this thing called Life that prevents us from living the life that we think we should be able to live…

    Praying for you and your family….

  33. Oh Sara, Sara, Sara,
    Please, please don’t give up blogging! I think anything you have to say from this point on will be even more relevant and speak to even more people than anything you have posted to date (and that says a lot!).

    I remember you saying that you started this blog because there was very little out there when you started your DD journey so you thought sharing your growth might be helpful to others trying to find their way with DD. Now there seem to be many blogs out there sharing their DD stories. What you don’t see much of is how to carry on when life gets in the way and DD is not workable for at least some time. How do you continue to be respectful, close, etc when the consequences are not as defined? I think your words and experiences are very much needed now.

    This may have started as a DD blog but to me it is so much more. It offers motivation and inspiration to build a good marriage no matter what tools are used. Whether or not a marriage is DD, over the long term there will be trials and changes. I think your voice will give a much needed perspective for others (DD or not) going through tough times, too.

    Most of all, to me at least, this blog has evolved into the voice of a friend whom I like to check in with quite often. It would be so hard to see that friend fade away (Sorry, I know it sounds selfish but I need to be honest.) So, Sara, please, please stick around, especially if it is therapy for you, too.

    Last, but most important, I feel so bad for you that so much has been coming at you in so short a time – your health, now Grant’s. I am fervently hoping that both of you make a full, quick recovery and I wish there was something I could do to make it all better. All I can offer is hugs, thoughts and prayers.

    Hang in there and take care,
    R.

  34. You had such a rough time but we never know what life has in store for us.

    You’ve helped a lot of people by being here in blogland and sharing Sara. Don’t ever forget that.

    Your both in my thoughts.

    Stay strong.

    Love & hugs,
    Ronnie
    xx

  35. Faerie, I for one can use all the support I can get! Thanks for yours!

    We’re working on it Sarah. We plan to head across the pond soon!

    Mikki, I was wondering where you had gone. Thank you for sharing with me. We walk a fine line between accepting our spouses with their problems and drawing lines in the sand when they won’t do what is best to care for themselves, so they are able to care for us. I have been as clear with Grant as he would be with me were the tables turned. Not seeking all avenues of medical help is just not an option. What impacts him impacts our whole family. You can’t drag your husband, but I hope you have let him know how you feel about his choices and how those choices impact you?

    R, I might give up blogging if I could. I might just be addicted? ;) You’re right, in the end my blog is mostly about life…the story as it unfolds. AND…I’ve made some great friends along the way. How could I walk away from that?

    Thanks for the ongoing support Ronnie!

  36. Sara,
    You know so many of the truths already – you’ve shown them to us over the years: life is cycles, we have to just move forward, it is ok and necessary to grieve losses, even of expectations, that each couple has to have the structure that is right for them – not what anyone else does. I believe it is possible to find a way to reconcile submitting in spirit by taking over as needed in the moment to moment. I know that, from the outside, it would appear to be an impossible thing, a twisting of words only. But i think that between two people it can be genuine. I do hope thing turn for the better soon, for both of you.

  37. Another piece of the puzzle in place. I had no idea Grant was having issues and the load you’re carrying is clearer. I hope things turn around for you soon. I admire how you are coping. I also echo everyone’s sentiments about this blog being a journal of your life and, yes, it’s appropriate for you to continue as long as you feel it’s something you want to do. And, honestly, since this has some therapeutic value for you, I think the question is more ‘how could you not blog’? I do hope things get back to normal for you soon. Do you think stress has caused a flare up for Grant?

    And, honestly, I’m sure the wonder about still writing was a recognition of the load you were carrying, not in any way a criticism that you were writing. But it’s like when I had a tough time of life once and people would comment…’I don’t know how you are doing this…’ and I wondered if they really thought someone actually gave me a choice? Life just went down this path and I made my way down it the best way I could.

    It was with way less class than you are doing.

    Please do share and post as it feels good to you.

    Hugs to you and Grant.

  38. Somehow in reading through years of this blog I missed this part that Grant had health issues that caused you two to step back from D/d. My heart goes out to you both. Thank you for continuing to write. Your blog and the comments are so valuable to me and it sounds like to so many people and hopefully it is valuable to you as well.

  39. I have no filter. With all that you are going through I cannot believe that I just wrote that I hope you still write!

  40. Sara,

    I understand, as you probably recall from past discussions. It’s not easy, and we constantly question if we are taking the reins away unfairly, due to our agreed upon ‘place’ in the relationship.

    Luckily, for me, we also are involved in the ‘kink’ side of things as well, so that became more of a focus in writings and participation for me when the DD slipped away. :/

    Hugs to you guys, and good luck.

    sarah

  41. This is the first time Ive responded to any blog or Taken In hand site. Im compelled to impart words of sincere encouragement. Like Belle and SNP, I am convinced (based on real life God showing up moments) that He reigns over our lives. His timing is not aligned with ours, mostly. His plan, not ours, completely. However, when you step out of comfort zone, which anyone in dd has done, when stepping out ENTRUSTING God to steer, the outcome is remarkably unexpectedly so life giving. Joy producing, in a sustainable, lasting way. Through our efforts to sincerely get it right, as long as we are seeking the “Potter of us”, it WILL turn out fulfilling, healthy, productive, and add great joy and sense of victory to our lives.
    Sara, for now what seems relentless, faded/dimmed/dark, there is a much greater plan in place. Place our great God in the center, He will guide your family to better days. What a great service that you have chosen to share your journey thru this very challenging shift. Indeed, “its in the chase” of where God is, in it (those moments that suck) that we build character (wisdom, endurance, humility, etc). Thank you for the treasure you have offered many (including me), in your candor, transparency in the “real deal” experiences of your personal life.
    It is my hope that the relationships among your readers are aiming toward wholeness in their relationship dynamics with each other and our Maker, and in themselves, trusting in a bigger, more fruitful, selfless and successful life plan, serving others and each other in magnificent ways as it plays out.
    Briefly, my husband and I have only been tip toeing into this for the past 3 months, starting with my search to unveil the mystery in what it is about submission that is so fulfilling and erotic. I married my high school sweet heart 9 months ago! so very happy, completely with guards down. Our shared love for God, placing him in the center of it all, we are free to explore ALL OPTIONS that are aligned with God’s intention, as it serves to strengthen our new marriage and etch out HIS PLAN. Though mostly with peace in heart, not easy, and not constant. Ive struggled with PMDD and ADHD for years. You can imagine the potential “bad behavior” that has emerged thru this. Stress is a lifelong noose, managed diligently, but not always successfully.
    When I accidentally found Taken In Hand….”Ka-Pow!” Ive NEVER felt that deep of a sexual arousal, down to my gut, ever before. How exhilarating! But surely, this not ok with God! (or is it? still not sure, but interesting best effort to sort thru) Reading about how husbands discipline their wives (literally spanking) for the purpose of redirecting them, supporting improved behavior trends has been eye (and body/spirit) opening.
    THE KEY, the big source of “turn on” seems not the spanking (way ouch!)…It’s the leadership, strength, & protective qualities showcased and demonstrated thru this authority role when the moment arises: the need for punishment is identified thru broken pre established rules/expectations. That moment: wow. the voice, the look, the countenance, ah…makes me melt! even now! its cuz of God’s natural design of our husband’s authority over us, revealing protection/strength, etc. established and maintained through this (unaccepted by modern rapidly growing and overly sophisticated western culture) relational dynamic. It’s my way of showing him ULTIMATE RESPECT. I try, but fail mostly.
    I also am a CEO, trying to build my company. Strong, sharp, driven. Spirit led in search for truth and sensitive to what may be unwise or lacking in good character (thru brokenness and healing not wanting to go backwards). My convictions have led me to study scripture and respect, love and worship the God that saved me from insecurities, self doubt, drugs and lots of empty sex. My credentials have kept me in the medical field for over 25 years. Id been sexually broken thru out my 20’s, renewed my journey with God, and cuz Im not perfect, carried out my role as a single mom for 12 yrs. I was raised by a strict mom and a “checked out” passive physician dad. (who is now sober of 8 yrs and the total bomb loving dad!)
    Yikes. look at this book Sara. sorry. This is the only place Ive felt comfortable to actually share our experience. Ive not felt a real connect. This DD “lifestyle” doesnt fit us perfectly (due to spiritual convictions and distance. He works off shore and gone for weeks at a time.). We’ve not totally fit “the way of this” thru TIH, or CDD, or Love & Discipline (Ive researched:) ). Some experiences/stories “WOW” US and others concern us (well me anyway). We spent the first 2 months completely enthralled, OMG~ AND IT WORKS!! What do ya know :) How refreshing. It helps w/ stress management. (who knew?) It works from a sensory deprived viewpoint, attentional view (received from him & to reel my attention in). The moment of pain, the spanking sessions, intense enough, lingering for days (but not weeks) after, completely relieving stress (like running does) and stops me dead in tracks to think before speaking or acting, helps to maintain focus & [task TO COMPLETION] oriented thereby shaping my (+) behaviors and improving quality of life! We then stopped very quickly. “Curiosity killed the cat” right? I clicked on a few video’s and was spooked. It seems there are many people who are in need of the right kind of love and healing. They’ve never experienced or trusted God source for both. Consequently falling prey to very disturbing extreme practices, seems we all have human “knee jerk” instinctive cravings for sources of addictions, “status”, “$$” as source for wholeness or stress management. Well, several weeks went by and stress crept back in. as did scatteredness, and disrespectful arguements with my husband. Well, we’re back, sort of. He still hasnt returned from off shore. We’ve now learned about “warm up spankings”. I am trusting God that there is a healthy measure in this, just like everything else we deem good and right for us. it is a great journey, seeking God’s direction/plan in the rules, process, timing, and boundaries. I am under my husband’s authority and he is under God’s. Wow. I hope he gets it right! :) I dont know if this will be us for years to come. I hope we find God’s plan in this, so it promotes healthiness: mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, in our parenting, financial and occupation management.
    Sara, you have given me a great gift, creating a safe space to process the dynamics of this new frontier and to express this to my husband as well. I will pray today, for the health of your husband, for your sadness.
    Read Psalms 37 and Jeremiah 29:11.
    Be blessed in every hour, with joy in trials and good times,knowing you have a net and source to operate well through! ( I copied/pasted in case I click send and it says…limit of 100 words please! Even 2000 would trump me sry :) )

  42. 2 quick points after re reading and looking thru other posts:
    * Your blog has topped viral-ish, wow. Hopefully a (+) source of joy and energy offered back to you, in your willingness to pay it forward. You’re doing good for others, and how rewarding is that! Nice work! THANKS!
    * MY POST: “was single mom for 12 yrs”. I am the proud momma of a 14 yr old, parenting him well, no brokenness there. Thru an impulsive moment, came this perfect gift, in midst of seeking a better life. All good there (one way Ive seen God hugely!)
    carry on “Sara, Smile!”

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