It’s been a very long time. I hardly know where to start, how to explain, what to say. There’s been so much. I just know that I miss being here terribly, miss you, all my blogger and reader friends, and I miss having a place to pour out the things I can say nowhere else.
I’ve been sick, I’ve been tired, and I’ve been very frightened for months now. The cancer scare turned out to be just that, a scare. I am 100% cancer free and so happy, grateful…but still recovering from the trauma.
There were a series of tests. First a blood test that had suspicious results, then the visit to the oncologist, then the genetic testing he recommended. Then a long wait while 3 different tests came back one at a time, each about two weeks apart. When each was negative, there was the shadow of not knowing what the next would show. Frankly, that was grueling. I was encouraged by the genetic counselor to think about outcomes, what those might mean to my children, and even made aware of preventative chemotherapy. I think the idea that if I tested for the cancer gene my children would have a 50% chance of inheriting it was the worst part of all of this. And then, there were the odd circumstances that had me going through this at 54 years old when my mother died of cancer at 54. The 25th anniversary of my mother’s death fell in the midst of all of this. I was anemic, exhausted, in pain and bleeding almost all of the time.
Not only did I not have the energy to write here but I did not have the heart to. Too much drama, too much angst, too much negative with no resolution until there was resolution.
Anyway, my surgery was May 25th, and while it knocked me out of commission for a while, now, 2 weeks later, I am starting to feel…well, better! The surgery is behind me, all the biopsies came back negative, and I am healing well. I am pretty much housebound, but every day I feel stronger and more like me. I still can’t drive. I still can’t do any exercise beyond very short walks. I still have to wear loose clothes and take naps…but I feel myself regaining some bit of my ‘mojo’, and starting to be able to look forward to the rest of my life. I really want to put these very hard 4 month behind me. Of course, I not only lost my uterus but both ovaries, which sent me into hardcore menopause overnight. No doubt that will be interesting! The hot flashes have already started.
So that’s all about me. Well, of course there’s so much more to say, but I’ll save it for my next post, and likely the one after that too. Mostly, I wanted to let you all know that I am totally ok, that I am coming back to the blog, and that your emails and comments have meant the world to me. I owe so many of you personal responses, and am working up to that. In the meantime, I thank you with all of my heart for your tremendous support and many prayers!