Some thoughts on Rebellion and Domestic Discipline

Sometimes, when I read around blogland and especially when I visit the newer and younger Dd-ers, I find myself shaking my head and remembering how hard the struggles were, how very intense the emotions, how long the journey seemed from there to here (endless and forever)…to finding some balance with Dd, with my “submission” (whatever THAT was supposed to be,) with my husband, and ultimately with myself.

A week ago Grace of Enjoying the Journey wrote a post called “Rebelling“. I promised her I would share some thoughts on rebellion and my own struggles in our earlier years in Domestic discipline.

 I remember that sometimes the task of pleasing my husband seemed impossible, and in truth, he’s not very demanding of me. He does not micro-manage, is not overbearing, does not ask more of me than he does of himself. It still was hard. I did not always understand what he wanted from me. I had to learn to hear him better.  The real words, not my interpretation or what I thought he should want. Sometimes, I was unsure about myself, my own needs, whether I should be ashamed of needing and wanting my husband to lead in our marriage. It was all confusing and emotionally exhausting at times.

I grew up in the late 60’s and early 70’s. Helen Reddy was singing “I am woman!”  Take a moment and listen to the words!

In 1975 I was sent off to college by a mother and grandmother who assigned me the mission of being the one who got free. My legacy, as the only daughter of an only daughter, was that I would be the first one of us who would not need a man. I was sent to fine schools and groomed to learn to be independent, self-sufficient, self-reliant, to be able to stand alone. Mission accomplished.

Perhaps you can imagine my self-doubt when after 20 some years of marriage I came to the realization that my marriage would never and could never be as truly fulfilling, connected, or intimate, as I wanted and needed it to be unless I gave up my lifelong mission and learned to lean on my husband. I finally allowed myself to understand that I needed to need him. And…yes, I needed him. That was sobering. Mission failed?

Actually, it was incredibly freeing to be able to be a self-reliant and independent executive, and also begin to realize and accept that there was a part of me that needed my husband to be the dominant partner in our marriage, in my life. It was like setting free a part of myself I had kept silenced all of my life. I was very afraid that I would lose that “me” I had worked to become, but exhilarated that I could begin to explore that me I had never allowed to emerge. For a long time my two selves felt like…two parts of me that might conflict, and it was really hard to find my balance. Now, six years later, my different selves feel very integrated and it’s all pretty seamless, but in reality that took a long time.

I had become really good at independence. I was self-sufficient, self-reliant, and very much alone within our marriage.  Oh, there was love, and a great deal of happiness, but also regular, ongoing struggles and conflict. My husband believed I did not need him, and although I did, desperately, in fact, I did a good job of hiding it, from the both of us, I guess. Funny thing, I was inexplicably drawn to a naturally dominant man, one who from deep inside needed and wanted to lead me, and then I held onto the reins in our marriage, our family, and our world with fierce tenacity. Frustrated and angry, he often walked away. He literally walked away when we fought, and he emotionally distanced in general. I felt more alone than ever, but I told myself I didn’t really need him anyway. “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”, right? (If you were around in the 70’s you know the phrase!)

So what broke the cycle? A separation and a divorce. That’s a long story. I will just leave it that I made the separation happen. It was the most painful period of our lives. We eventually tore our marriage down to the ground. The odd thing was that I, who initiated the separation, was unable to let go. I still loved the man, always had, and realized that I always would. I just could not live with him. He was too difficult, stubborn, bossy, and opinionated. It felt like he always wanted things his way. Even divorced, Grant saw things his own way. He told me he did not care what the divorce papers said. He would not acknowledge the divorce and in his mind we were married “till death do us part”. I would decide whether we lived together, but he was not divorced. He told me, “We were married in the eyes of God”, “let no man put asunder” and “unless you get an annulment from the Pope….” “Um Grant, do I need to remind you that 1st you’re not even Catholic anymore, and 2nd I am Jewish, and we were married by a Rabbi?” “A Rabbi is a man of God. The marriage stands unless you get an annulment from the Pope!” That’s Grant through and through. 

So, my point in explaining all this? What does it have to do with rebellion? It has everything to do with it, because from day one when we resumed our marriage, moved back in together, we were fighting for us. We knew that we had to rebuild from the ground up. The new foundation we agreed to was one of mutual respect, compatible values, and agreed upon roles. Yes, I brought the idea of Domestic discipline to him, and he took exactly 3 seconds to say “yes”. He said being the leader was what he had always wanted, always felt comfortable with, but I never did, so he tried to make it work my way,  but it never had. No, it never did work for either of us, because we were competing for control and it was a lose-lose. Deep down, the competition left us ragged, and neither of us respected him much when he was overruled, when he gave up and I won.

After doing a lot of reading and soul searching, I knew what I needed and wanted. More than anything else I wanted the strong man I had fallen in love with back, and I wanted us to be together as a team, one heart, one love, a couple. Being a couple, I have learned takes tremendous compromise, sacrifice, and humility. It means putting the “us” above the “I”.

For my husband it means taking care of me, my needs and the marriage before his own wants and personal needs. For me it means putting aside my own agendas, my personal wishes at any given moment, my impulses to go my own way and be my own person, in order to be his…his wife, his partner, his submissive.

I am not naturally a submissive person. However, I fully accept that to live with this man, whom I do dearly love, he needs to be the dominant which means I need to be the submissive. I had to learn what that meant. What he needed and wanted, how to accept his authority, and to buy into the agreement we made hook, line and sinker. I had to find a way to submit to him at home while being able to hold my head up and continue to be the successful business woman I am out in the world. I had to learn to do what he said without even thinking about it, to trust him and follow his lead without second guessing him. That took time and effort on both of our parts….years. It was a process. Yes, there were some rules and some punishment spankings, but mostly there was lots and lots of talking and intense self- examination. We did submission exercises for a long time, and still do now and again. We did very regular maintenance spankings, to establish and maintain our roles, and we grew over time, together, until the roles morphed from what we thought we should be into who we really are. We don’t “do” Dd, we ARE a Dd couple.

As independent as I still am, as sassy and outspoken (and I really am) if Grant says during an argument, “Don’t you dare walk out of this room!” I stop in my tracks. If he tells me, “I want you to organize the kitchen desk today”, it’s done. It just is what it is…he’s in charge. Yes, there was a long time (several years) when I had to think about these things, weigh them, debate with myself: “He told me what to do…now what? Do I want to do this? Should I do this? Is this really how I want to live? What if I don’t do what he said?”…on and on. We women are complicated and emotional creatures. Yes, I tested, but I now think I was testing not only him but myself and the system. Of course, there was the testing over “Will he really follow through and punish me?” Check…he did. But then I needed to test out how would I feel, deep down, if I allowed him to be really in charge. Could I truly live this way? Was I giving up some vital part of myself to do so? Would he be able to maintain his authority and still cherish me? Would it go to his head? Was the sacrifice of my submission worth it? Would I and we be happy?

I also had to learn how to maintain my self-esteem as a submissive wife. That process forced me to look at myself, my fears, my anxiety about not being strong enough, independent enough, yielding too and following my husband’s lead. It forced me to look at becoming vulnerable, letting down the walls that most wives maintain, and learning to trust this man with my deepest fears and secrets. It forced me to look at my pride, to put that aside for him. I had to understand what it meant to put aside pride in a healthy way.  I had to discover that surrendering to him, was really surrendering to us, to the marriage, to who we have become together. 

In time I understood that rebelling against him was a fantasy…there was no him and me anymore. There was only us. Why would I choose to do anything to hurt us? My husband has proven to me over and over that he does and will love, cherish, and protect me. He puts me first. How can I not put him first? 

What is rebellion? It is taking a stand against everything we have agreed to, all we promised each other. A promise is not ever meant to be broken. I am not perfect, but I work hard to be a woman of integrity.

One of the things I learned along the way is that there is little difference between the larger rebellions and the smaller ones. If he asks me to give him my attention and I don’t stop my typing and look up, how is that different from defying him by speeding? Well one is more dangerous than the other, but they are both defiant. They undermine our agreements on respect and obedience. I also learned that what I do behind his back is as important as what I do in front of his face. It’s about attitude, my thinking, my heart. Is my heart compliant? I have asked myself this question so many times, and too many times the answer was “no”. I figured out that I had to work on myself from the inside out.

I have also learned it takes tremendous strength and courage to be a submissive wife. Some might think that giving in or following is a sign of weakness, but in truth, yielding in my life has come from a position of strength. I don’t yield because my husband makes me, but because I know it is the right way to do things for us. It is what we need from me in our marriage. I had to learn to be a better person, more self- aware, kinder, gentler, more centered, more compassionate, more forgiving. It’s much easier to be for yourself than to be for the two of you. Rebellion is an easier road than compliance. It’s something I have had to struggle with. I ask myself, “Am I for me, or for us?” I have the opportunity to make my choices daily, big ones and small ones. On my better days, I make ones that help our marriage to be the thing of strength and beauty it has become.

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Stay tuned. Grant has promised a companion post coming soon!

38 thoughts on “Some thoughts on Rebellion and Domestic Discipline

  1. I have discovered in very short order Sara, that you are an amazing woman. :) Thank you for your writing. You have me considering so much about domestic discipline and if I were able to express myself as well as you do…my opinions and thoughts would frequently mirror yours. Thank you for the effort and time you put into this blog. It is very much appreciated . :)

    And BTW…I am encouraged that you two started this later in life. It gives me hope. I’ve always felt this kind of life was for me and only discovered it carried a ‘name’ a few years ago…and it literally changed me. Now I just need my dominant man. The search continues. ;)

    Pamela

  2. wow. What an amazing post Sara, thank you. Submission is exactly as you described it here. I think couples who practice DD go through exactly the same steps and processes struggles and triumphs only at different stages. I always thought I was submissive – until we got into DD – and shock horror I’m not as submissive as I thougth I was or want to be…its an ongoing lifelong struggle – this is a journey with no end – its a continual journey every learning, ever expanding ever growing, the trick is to grow together in this.
    Im looking forward to reading Grant’s post.
    Love and hugs kiwi xxxx

  3. Thank you so much for writing this post. I loved hearing your story…and seeing true maturity with time…
    I loved your sentence where you embraced your relationship and said that you ARE a Dd couple. I’m learning more and more that in order for me to be submissive in my heart to Z…I have to be comfortable with this lifestyle decision and not always have fears and doubts about what others might think about our dynamics. It’s true that what’s in your heart…is what’s going to be displayed too. I can want to defer to my husband…to reverence him and give him my respect…but if I don’t do it in my heart…..it’s not going to happen when I need it to. I think I have some soul searching to do…..

  4. Wow, I think this was written especially for me! And such a timely reminder! Despite being raised quite traditionally, being taught that good wives submit, falling in love with a man with the much more dominant personality and saying I’d obey during our marriage vows, I struggled for much of our marriage. Oh, he was always in charge, but I fought him. When I was finally able to admit to myself that I had a need to be guided, led and held accountable (your blog aided me), I then began to question myself. Did this need make me weak? Was I letting modern women down? Was I going to lose myself? Was it fair to make my husband my leader and disciplinarian? Once I made peace with all of that, it was amazing how quickly the pieces fell into place. Still, I struggle with rebellion. I sometimes dislike being told what to do even after a year of living this way. For several weeks now, there have been a couple of things that are important to my husband that I’ve been dragging my feet on. They’re not orders, you understand, but some things that would really mean a lot to him which he’d like accomplished by December 1st at the latest. I began, tentatively, last Friday but I’m stuck and haven’t progressed. Sigh … I guess I haven’t fully surrendered to him (to us) and boy, that’s depressing. I never thought of rebelling as something that hurts me as well, but you’re right, it does. Anything that hurts him, hurts us and me by extension.

    Still, what you’ve written today has given me hope. And btw, I love what you said about how Grant refused to feel divorced from you (that actually made me teary eyed). I love the commitment you two share. I do have a question and I hope it isn’t too bold. When you two decided to make a second go of your marriage, did you remarry before you moved back in together and say, “This is it! We have faith this marriage will work!” or did that follow after months of living Dd and adjusting to your new roles? IOW, were you completely convicted that no matter what, your marriage WAS going to work from the outset? You were talking about attitude and the heart following along and I was just curious if you applied that at the beginning of your Dd journey.

  5. Sara,

    I’ll be revisiting this post often, because there is wisdom in these sentences that rewards more than one reading.

    Anne and I are of the same generation as you, although she has not yet had your moment of enlightenment. :)

    Kevan

  6. Thanks for posting this Sara. It makes an awful lot of sense to me and it helps in knowing that the struggle with rebellion and submission, in the early stages, is not so easy. You’ve actually given me quite a bit to think over, quite a bit to ‘really’ think about.

    Dee x

  7. Well Sara! I have so many thoughts swimming around my thick head that I can’t even leave you a proper comment. One of the hardest things about TTWD is my deep desire to get it right…now! As much as I know that it not only needs but deserves time, my frustrations end in me running back to my independent mode as often as they end in me running to my husband and that is hard on both of us. Thanks for this post. I’ll think it through bit by bit…and try to not leave you new comments for each little bit that sinks in. :)

  8. Pamela, thank you for your kind words. I am glad you feel inspired to find your Prince. I am sure he’s out there!

    Yes Kiwi, most of us do go through similar struggles, but at our own pace and with our own twist to the details. Growing together is tricky too, because one of you will often be a step or two ahead or behind the other. But it WILL settle and smooth out and you WILL find your rhythm if you give this the time it needs, A lifelong journey? Absolutely! Thank God I am still learning!

    Right, if respect and cooperation is not ingrained in your heart, it will not be your 1st response in times of stress or upset or danger. I think that’s where the daily practice comes in, Ashley.

    Leni, you gave a great example of how being at peace with yourself makes all the difference. I think we ALL struggle some days. I’ll never be flawless. But at least on good days I fight the fight within myself rather than directing it at my husband. And when I can’t manage and do go at him, I know he’s there to help.

    As to your question, no we did not remarry before we moved in together. The man refused to marry me! :shock: He said, 1) We were already married as far as he was concerned and 2) If we did ever remarry “on paper” it would be on his terms, when he decided to ask me! Despite my objections, he waited over 4 years and asked me on our 25th wedding anniversary, and we renewed our vows a little over a year ago.

    Kevan, I hope you and Anne can find your way. It took me years to see past the paradigm I was raised with.

    Susie, I so do understand. I wanted it all right now too, and am pretty accustomed to doing what I set my mind too. TTWD was a true lesson in patience and understanding that good things do take time to nurture and grow. Please DO come back and share your thoughts, even if they are in peices. I always enjoy a dialogue!

  9. What a lovely post. Thank you. I am very much looking forward to Grant’s post as well. I love that he never thought of your marriage as over. My husband and I also divorced and remarried, but we haven’t yet found the formula that makes us into one ‘whole’ and we are simultaneously in love and lonely. There is no shared direction…..yet. I have great hope though. Thanks for sparking so many thoughts. Unlike Grant, my counterpart has not embraced DD. It will take a big change of direction (think of the Titanic changing direction), but I have come to the conclusion it’s possible. For him, he has to believe that this drastic change won’t break us up because he is not willing to go there again. For now, I have to work on me first. Like the behave ‘as if’ idea from Taken in Hand.

    Have a lovely day, Sara….Thanks again.

  10. You do have a beautiful way of telling the story of what you’ve learned.

    The part about working for the “us,” for the relationship rather than for one person or the other – that makes all the difference. It helps everything else fall into place. It doesn’t make it always easy – but it helps.

  11. LOL, what a stubborn man you’ve married, Sara! :-) BTW, I was reading your post to my husband this AM before he left for work and when I got to the part where you described Grant’s characteristics (stubborn, bossy, opinionated, etc.), he chuckled and said, “That sounds like me, doesn’t it?” LOL.

  12. Your DD lifestyle has certainly not squelched your personality, individuality, and ability. Could it be that it has enhanced those things?

    I see this as the time you recognized who you were, what you really wanted, what you needed, and who you wanted to be. Then you came together with your husband and went for it.

    Maybe you are more liberated than the 70’s woman could imagine.

  13. Sara, I too will be revisiting this post, as well as sending the link to Dev. Thank you for sharing. I agree that you are a truly amazing woman. Your posts and comments are so encouraging to the rest of us.

  14. Lori, I started with the book “The Surrendered Wife” which helped me tremendously. Although we began Dd from day one, I know Grant was also concerned about disrupting the good thing we had going, so I understand your husband’s caution. I would guess both working on you and also keeping the dialogue open will help your husand to understand that this is something you feel you want and need, and thus that it will enhance what you have together.

    No gg, it is often not easy, but remembering that end goal does indeed help.

    Leni, I suspect many of our men can relate…their cut from the same cloth, Yes Grant is stubborn, but I have to say I also hold my own in that department. Another thing I have had to work on!

    Mick…YES! Dd has enhanced my ability to be more myself. Somehow, within the confines of the Dd construct, I am truly freer, and certainly more at peace with myself! I am liberated from being who and what I was told I should be.

    Thanks Pooky, I so appreciate that!

  15. Wow, wow and just wow. Thanks so much for writing this Sara! There’s so much in here to digest that I’m going to be reading it again…and again…and probably, yes, again. I’m going to send it to Michael. And I’m thrilled that Grant is going to write a companion post too. I’m sorry that the two of you went through such struggles, but I’m so glad that you turned things around and I’m very thankful that you’re willing to share about all of this with us today. (((hugs)))

  16. While I don’t often comment, I always read your blog and find it very insightful. This post is no exception. Thank-you so much for sharing your journey.

    You mentioned that you did submission exercises for a long time. How helpful did you find these? Was it an important component? This is something we have considered, but haven’t tried. Googling seems to pull up a lot of BDSM sites and the “exercises” geared toward humiliation. I would assume the exercises you did/do are very personal and you might not feel comfortable sharing but if you (or any of your other readers!) know of any good websites you can share I would appreciate it.

    Looking forward to Grant’s post!

  17. Sara, I really enjoyed this post! Thank you for writing it, and I look forward to reading Grant’s post! I too am interested in the submission exercises you practiced. Of course I understand if you dont want to share but if you do feel comfortable, please do! :)

  18. I’m going to join the crowd and say thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Too many different points resonated with me that I can’t even list them all. So thank you!

  19. My parents raised me to aspire and stand on my own.I thought at the time that my Dad’s logic (‘you can’t begin to expect every man to look after you’) to be slightly warped.Beyond that I was grateful for a fine education and love in abundance.And, oh my, here I am with history repeating itself….eldest daughter (16) aiming sky high.One part of me says ‘Yes, go for it’….one part says ‘But it will be so tough and you can’t…you just CAN’T have it all ‘.Just have to remind myself she has got alot of growing up to do and sometimes they have to figure it out for themselves and work out the choices.As for me?Well,I can come here and realise I’m not alone, can’t I ?Thank goodness for that. Sarah,LD,UK

  20. Grace, you truly are most welcome! I can relate to many of the feelings and struggles you write about them because I went through them too. TTWD is not the easiest path, but such a rewarding one. In the long run, I am thinking Grant and I would not be where we are if we had not gone through what we did.

    JK, thank you for coming out of hiding to comment! ;) We do do submission exercises sometimes, and no, ours do not involve any form of humiliation, as that is just not what either of us are interested in, I have had several questions on submission exercises, so, yes, I will write about them as soon as I can get to it.

    Yep, Heather, one post coming up! :) Well…two, as Grant is working on his too.

    I’m glad you liked it Christina and thanks for letting me know.

    No Sarah, you certainly are not alone!

  21. Thank you so much for telling your story. The beginning sounds very much like mine and my husbands. We have been married 21 years and had come to a point where changes needed to be made. I wanted back the strong man, the rock, that I had married back. We have only been a DD couple since August. We have seen some good changes but we are still figuring it all out. I can only hope that in a few years I will be as lucky as you and be able to feel good about who I am and pleased with the choice we made to be a DD couple. Thanks again.

  22. Sara,
    It is so comforting to read the words of someone farther along in this journey. So much of what you describe I find reflected in my own life. Right now I really find myself struggling with the balance between the strong woman I need to be to accomplish what needs doing and how to keep that and be submitted.

    Your blog gives so much insight and some hope that I will eventually find that balance.

  23. Thanks for reading Lea.

    I am glad you have found your way Blondie, and hope you find the happiness we have too!

    Aww, thanks Scarlet!

    Sweet Marion, so much in life is about balance isn’t it? Luckily time and practice make us gals quite the acrobats!

    Thank you Ronnie.

  24. Hi, I found your blog through a blog called “my marriage is heaven”, the author is anti-DD but he mentioned your blog and actually complimented you and your husband even though he doesn’t agree with spanking a wife at all. After reading some of your posts, especially the post you made on abuse, I agree with him on some thing. I have a lot of respect for you and Grant. He did not assume it was his right at all to lead your marriage and you brought it to him. I like the fact he doesn’t make you submit and like another person on another post said he would never grab you or force you to submit, you must do it on your own. To me that says so much about your husband.

    I read your comment on Kay’s blog before she deleted it and I am not trying to start a bashing war on Stormy but to me her husband is abusive and selfish. I don’t see grant like that. Grant seems to truly be very selfless all because he respects you to submit or not to submit. I was also raised by a mother who told me never let a man order you around. And I won’t, and I was lucky to marry a man who doesn’t want me to. But we do have disagreements because when I want something done, I get pretty mad when he doesn’t do it (ie: take out the garbage or fix something) I have to remind myself I would be mad if he told me “didn’t I tell you to wash dishes??” how do I back off and stop “nagging” because he does not nag me for anything. I don’t know if be would do DD, he would never be comfortable spankin me but how could I get him to be more dominant without that? Is it possible? Thank you so much for giving some honest views on DD and not make it seem forced. I may be back to add a few things I wanted to say but left out. I also love that you also make it clear you don’t think EVERY couple should do DD and every woman should submit to their husbands.

  25. Hi Andrea, I appreciate that you can differentiate between what we do as consensual and very far from any sort of abuse. Grant is indeed a really good guy who has a sense of maturity and ethic that makes me feel he is worthy of my trust and yes, even my submission. But, that is my choice, how I and how we choose to live our lives. Every couple has to do things as they see best.

    I can’t really comment on Stormy or her husband. I guess only they know for sure what is true. I think we all realize that some of what has been written on Stromy’s blog has been pretty upsetting in the past, certainly very different than what Grant or I would want in our marriage. I can only hope that regardless of what has transpired, that Stormy and her husband are finding their way to a better place.

    As for your question about your marriage, I do feel that you could, should you both want to, put in place a power exchange relationship without using spanking as a punishment. There are always consequences for our actions, and deciding upon consequences together, as opposed to having random consequences occur, is the essence of Domestic discipline.

    A very good place for you to start might be to read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. It is not about Dd, but about how a wife can institute more respectful behavior and let go of her controlling tendencies, to have a better marriage. The book helped me a lot.

    Andrea, anytime you hear “every couple”, and “always should”…RUN! ;)

    Thanks very much JJ!

  26. Wow! That’s interesting. You know, I have to say there are two things I don’t have an issue with in our marriage. One is lying. I just don’t lie to my husband nor he to me. We just don’t. Two, I don’t refuse to or even think to refuse to do what he asks. It just has never occurred to me to do that. Now, let it be noted that he doesn’t ask a lot of me, so it’s never taxing.

    I was raised much the same as you where college and independence were expected. I was so strong-willed and independent when we first go married. I was all women’s lib. I think it’s just because it was taught and expected. I came from strict Southern Baptist parents, but they still raised me that way.

    Think the thing that being a DD couple has done for me and for us is respect.I think I show him way more respect now than ever. I always cared about his thoughts but was going to argue or do as I pleased. That was before DD. I don’t speak to him or carry on arguments to the death like I used to.

    So, I guess my rebellion comes in a different form. Mostly just straight up moodiness. I am going to have an attitude period. LOL

    Interesting how different people get different needs from this life.

    Great post as always!

    Kelly

  27. This is belated, but this post reminded me that I wanted to mention that your blog and Bonnie’s have been very helpful. I’ve been reading pretty much every blog I can find and some of them have been very upsetting to me (can’t remember all the names, but it’s usually when the man introduces DD). Frequently I have to take a break from looking at any of this stuff after finding one like that, because of the panic attacks they trigger. Coming back to this or Bonnie’s helps me feel less…scared, I guess, for lack of a better word.

    I don’t believe my boyfriend and I will ever have a relationship entirely like this, but we’ve been incorporating aspects and you guys have been great resources.

    -Em

  28. Our mutual respect has increased 10 fold Kelly, and that’s been wonderful. For me, I wouldn’t categorize moods as rebellions, because feelings, moods, cannot be controlled. Of course, how you choose to express them can.

    Em, I am glad you feel comfortable here. I would stay away from places that make you feel scared! There is nothing in any of this that we do that is not consensual and agreed upon. You and your boyfriend can find your way together to tailor whatever you both want to what works for YOU!

    Thanks Elysia!

  29. A very insightful post; I too grew up in the 60’s….I am Woman …watch me ROAR!!

    Once a Catholic, always a Catholic..although one’s ideals may change…our Lord is always watching out for us!!

  30. Christina, I still believe in the power of women. I just understand that it does not depend on dis-empowering men. We’re equal in value, unique in qualities, and not equal in authority in our home, by mutual decision.

  31. Thanks Sara! When things are consensual, I don’t get nervous. But some of the ones where the husband started TTWD seem to hit gray areas… where every post is about making the wife accept her submission, when maybe she just isn’t submissive. Some where the woman even outright says she doesn’t want it, and guilt is used… they hit twitchy spots. I’m definitely working on tailoring what I find for us, it’s interesting if nothing else ;)

  32. Hi Em, I don’t think the issues you speak of have to do with the husband starting TTWD. Check out Mick at: http://husbandlytouch.blogspot.com/

    He brought Dd into his home, with his wife’s consent, and you can see clearly that he loves and respects his wife. He is straight forward and made sure there was REAL consent. There is no emotional manipulation like you refer to. That kind of relationship problem is …well a relationship problem, and has not much to do with Dd per se.

  33. i had like 5 minutes to myself this morning (before the hoards arrive for our Christmas celebration) and i came to read….. my god i can’t believe i haven’t been here before!!

    I Am Woman – was a song i raised my girls on…. i wanted for them – strength – independence – confidence. It amuses me a little bit that i have raised two Dominants.

    OH and i am planning a surprise 60th for W – to be held on Jan 1.. (his birthday is actually the 28th of Dec) and i have HUGE butterflies that he will NOT be pleased with me……… keep your fingers crossed for me…

    Wishing you and yours a joyful Christmas season – filled with all the magic that is Christmas……….

    morningstar

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