Spank talk is much like pillow talk. Spank talk is the things you talk about with your spanker (and lover) in the dark, over his lap, when your bottom is well warmed, resistance has been vanquished, and your walls have come down to leave a more open, relaxed, trusting, and sometimes too talkative you. It used to be this was when I confessed things I hadn’t meant to. I think all newer Dd-ers do that. I would suddenly be overcome with feelings of intimacy and connectedness and love and a need to tell all. OUCH, bad timing!
I’m past that. I now know myself well enough to know I’ll eventually cave and tell whatever it is anyway, and that over his lap is not a prime time for confession, and besides our rules call for complete disclosure whether he asks or not. I know what he needs to know and now I just circumvent the OTL confessional scene and tell what needs telling. Sometimes it’s better for him to have time to process things anyway, rather than when he has me naked over his lap with a paddle in hand, you know?
So…as we often do, we were talking while he was spanking. I found myself quietly mulling over something I sort of wanted to talk about, but didn’t at the same time. He kept spanking and I kept quiet, weighing if I really needed to bring it up, until finally…it just bubbled out seemingly of its own accord, despite my ambivalence. This was a different kind of confession.
Grant, how to you feel about the Dd in our marriage right now?
I feel great about it! Don’t you?
Well, would you tell me why you feel great about it?
Because we are getting along so well! We hardly every have arguments. We are close and loving; we communicate; we treat each other well. Our marriage is peaceful and everything is going really well. Don’t you feel that way?”
Yes, I do. But I have been thinking recently.
What are you thinking?
I have realized that there’s no discipline in our Dd anymore.
Is that a bad thing? Do you want to be punished? Because if that is what you’re after…
NO…no, I don’t WANT to be punished. Of course not! I never want to be punished and in fact I try to do everything I can to make sure you don’t have to do that. I really work hard to not cause friction between us, to do the things I should, to do what you ask. You do realize that, right?
Yes, I do realize that. So, what are you talking about?
Well, a week ago, when we were both a little off-kilter, I realized at one point that I wasn’t doing well with my exercise and diet, etc…and I thought about telling you, but then I thought “I could go tell him, or I could just go do what I know I need to do. So I told myself to just do it, and I did. And then I did not need to tell you.
And are you doing what you’re supposed to do now?
Yes, all of it. In fact I feel like I am on top of things, doing really well.
Well that’s great! To my mind, that’s what Dd is supposed to be about, recognizing what we need to do and doing it. Punishment should only be a last resort. I am sure punishments will not be non-existent in the future, but yes they have become rare, and that means what we do is working.
I guess so.
Do you think I am not paying attention? I am. Didn’t I ask you the last time we were ‘here’ if you were doing everything you were supposed to?
Yes you did, and I was able to answer ‘yes’ when you asked. I know you pay attention. So, I’ve realized that most things are like that now. I know what I need to do, and I try to do the things I should, and I think I do a pretty good job of it.
I think so too.
I guess the only issue at all I can think of is my occasional …um comments, a tone, my disrespect.
Yes, that is true. You do still get a little disrespectful at times.
I know…but, you’re good at pointing it out quickly. And if you warn me, I always stop right away, don’t I?
Yeah, you do.
So here’s the thing, and I know this sounds weird, because this is how I want things to be between us, and I do feel really good about where we are, but I also feel… I don’t know, almost like something is missing. I mean, I hate the reality of punishment, but I like knowing that you can and will. I guess it is a demonstration of the power dynamic between us, a way of you fighting for me and for us, and I think some part of me misses that.
Well I always can and will, but it’s nice to not have to very often. You know what? I think you miss the drama. Fighting so we can make up, get close, but now we don’t have to go through that anymore. It can almost be an addiction. Think of the people we know who always have to have some drama in their lives, and where there isn’t any, they manage to create it. We don’t need that, and frankly, I don’t want it!
Do you think that is what it is?
I really do. We both grew up with a fair amount of drama in our childhoods, and we brought a lot of drama into our marriage. We functioned like that for a long time. And in the beginning, the whole Dd cycle was agreeing to rules, then you stepping over the line, me pushing back, then the punishment, and then we’d feel connected and in sync again until the next time. It’s drama and it’s really stressful too. I am very happy to not need to have to go through all that anymore. Aren’t you?
I really am. I didn’t like any of it. I like how we are now. I want us to be happy, and close and at peace. I truly feel you deserve the best from me. I want to do the right things, and I do try hard.
I feel the same way Babe, and I always try to make you happy,
You do make me happy.
You know, if you feel you need to be punished you have ways to make that happen!
I know, but I would never do that. It’s dishonest, and manipulative, and in truth, I don’t want a punishment…ever again! Who wants THAT? I guess I just want to make sure we’re not getting complacent or that somehow the Dd is not what it used to be.
I am sure punishments are not forever gone. That’s not going to happen, but I do think Dd is not what it used to be. It’s very much better!