An Old Fashioned Spanking?

Hmmm, was spanking in marriage truly commonplace in the 1800’s? These days it’s hard to imagine such a thing being commonplace , in the 21st century, with our culture  being what it is. But maybe it was common…maybe before the 1800s, maybe after, and maybe around the world as well?

This photo says “it’s a wise man” who spanks his wife:

Of course we all know that American cowboys were spankers!

I think we also are pretty sure about what went on in Elizabethan times, thanks to Mr. William Shakespeare:

I’ve been reading a novel set in New Zealand in the   1880′s . It’s not a spanking novel per se, and yet…imagine what I found! This scene reads as if spanking a wife you also loved, was not such an unlikely occurrence.

 After courting Lizzie for half a year, Frank asked her father Arthur for her hand in marriage. A week before the wedding he decides he had better also ask for some fatherly advice regarding the  impending wedding night. His father-in-law has his own ideas about what Frank needs to know about marriage:

Frank said absently. ‘I mean… well, I was pretty young when Pa died, so I haven’t had a father for a long time. I’m really glad you’re going to be my pa now. I sort of think maybe… can I call you Pa?’ 

‘Well, you could wait till next week! Now, I’m only joking, don’t look so crushed. Call me Pa. I’d like you to.’ 

‘Thanks, Pa. You know, I’ve been thinking, maybe my pa would be telling me some things now. I sort of wondered if… if maybe you could tell me them instead?’ 

Arthur looked at him blankly. ‘What are you talking about, Frank? What things?’ 

‘Things about getting married.’ There, it was out now. 

‘Ah. Right. You want some advice about marriage, do you?’ 

‘Yes, please.’

This was going well; Arthur had caught on beautifully. 

‘Hmm.’ Arthur looked thoughtful. ‘Let’s sit down for a bit,’ he said when they neared a fallen log. They sat beside each other, and Arthur was silent for a few moments. 

‘Now, Lizzie’s my daughter, and she’s a good girl really, but it has to be said—she’s bossy. All women like their own way, but Lizzie’s keener on it than most. I don’t know where she gets that from, I’ve never had much trouble with Edie, but it’s a fact. You’re going to have a bit of bother with her.’ 

‘I am?’ Frank asked in confusion. He seemed to have lost track of the conversation rather suddenly. 

‘Unless you get things sorted out early on. That’s the secret, Frank—never let a woman rule you, and let her know you’re not going to allow it right from the start. If she thinks she can get away with her nonsense she’ll get worse and worse. The first time she tries it, you’ll have to come down hard on her.’ 

‘Ah… how do I do that?’ This wasn’t really what he needed to hear, but maybe it would be useful. It might get wearing, being told what to do all the time. 

‘Now, mind, I’m not talking about being rough, Frank. I don’t want to see my daughter covered in bruises. I’d have something to say about it if she was, husband or no husband.’ 

‘Bruises?’ Frank echoed in alarm. 

Arthur patted him on the shoulder. ‘I don’t really need to tell you that, do I, Frank? You’re not a violent man, any more than I am. No, there’s no need to be cruel just to show a woman who’s boss. One or two hidings, that’s all it should take.’

He stopped and thought for a while. ‘Though being Lizzie, it might take three or four.’

‘Are… are you saying I should hit Lizzie?’ Frank asked hesitantly, hoping he had misunderstood. 

‘Not all the time, just until she gets the idea. She’s not stupid—she’s pretty smart, come to that. She’ll catch on soon enough. After that you just need to give her a look or a sharp word if she plays up, just to remind her.’ 

‘I don’t think I could,’ Frank admitted. ‘I mean, I’m fond of Lizzie—I don’t want to hurt her.’ That reminded him of the real reason for this discussion, but Arthur was not to be diverted just now. 

‘Of course you’re fond of her—that’s why you want to do the right thing by her. It’s not natural for a woman to rule a house, Frank. You’ll only end up both being miserable if you let that happen, you mark my words.’ 

‘Will we?’ 

Arthur nodded. ‘Did you ever hear any good of a house where the woman wears the trousers? She’d make your life a misery, and you’d be a laughing-stock. It wouldn’t make her happy, either, though she might think it would. Women need a man to tell them what to do, even the bossy ones.’ 

Frank chewed at his lip. ‘How would I do it?’ he asked. It was hard to imagine Lizzie meekly standing still to let herself be hit. And even harder to imagine himself doing the hitting. 

‘It’s important to be fair, remember that. Give her a warning the first time she plays up, then the next time you let her have it. You can use your hand…’ He stopped and studied Frank. ‘Though you’re not all that much bigger than Lizzie, are you? You might have trouble making a good job of it with just your hand. No, you’d be better to use a belt or a strap. I don’t approve of using a stick on a woman, that’s too harsh.’ 

Would this really be the best for Lizzie? Frank wondered. He wanted to make her happy, but… 

‘Where’s the best place to do it?’ 

‘Bedroom, of course. It’s the only place private enough.’ 

‘No, I meant sort of… where on her?’ 

Arthur laughed. ‘On the part with the best padding, of course! Right on the backside. You’re not aiming to damage her, remember, just make her take a bit of notice of you.’ 

‘Hmm.’ Try as he might, Frank could not picture himself taking a belt to Lizzie. She would just tell him not to be so stupid. 

‘You’ll get on just fine, Frank, as long as you start as you mean to go on. All right? Has that been any help?’

Frank could see that Arthur was ready to stand up and move away. ‘Well…’ Frank said, ‘I think so—I mean, I’m sure it has…’ *

 

So…are we truly kinky or just throwbacks to an age gone by?  Maybe we’re just traditionalists, and I suspect there might be more of ‘us’ than anyone lets on! Shhh!

*Parkinson, Shayne (2011). Mud and Gold (Promises to Keep) (Kindle Locations 857-889). Kindle Edition.

27 thoughts on “An Old Fashioned Spanking?

  1. Oh, I think that if there were a place to mark “Spanko” on a ballot in an election, the returns would be astounding! Don’t statistics indicate that when authority in the home went out, dissension and divorce went up? Without accountability, what REAL authority does the man have?

    Kady

  2. I don’t think we are kinky. I think we are just silent in the sharing department ~ I mean, who wants to share that they have been pulled over their husband’s knee and given a good spanking to set them straight? I remember a friend telling me many years ago that the night before her wedding, her dad took her into the den, put her over his knee, spanked her and then told her to remember to be a good wife or her new husband would continue the job.

    I think Arthur had it right ~ in the bedroom and on the backside after fair warning.

    As for spankings in the 21st Century. Just because the times have changed doesn’t mean the attitude has changed. If a good over the knee paddling is what it takes to help a couple, then that is what should take place.

    I think we get spanked because we are loved. I know I do. My spankings have always been fair and I certainly shape up afterward. Anyone else have a comment?

  3. I love stories with spanking in them too. I love pictures of spanking, like the ones above. I dont think we are kinky. I think we are traditionalists and believe in traditional roles within our family and home and believe that a good old fashioned spanking is sometimes what it takes. I also think that there are lot more out there that believe in the same principles as we do too. And looking at these pictures and reading the comments makes me wish I was further down the road in this journey than I am at the moment being new and being unsure as to whether he gets it or not. Right now he is mad at me. I hate him being mad and yelling at me and the distance between us that it causes. I wish he would just take me over his knee and then forgive me. Do I really have to ask for it? Does a time come when it just happens without me asking or hinting?

  4. We fall more in the traditionalists category. My husband spanked me right after we were married, when I got pretty sassy with him during a fight. Of course I wanted to kill him..but it got my attention.

    I do believe this is more common than anyone knows. If only we had a statistic, wouldn’t it be interesting?

  5. Yep Kady, statistics do show that “when authority in the home went out, dissension and divorce went up”. I don’t think spanking has to be part of maintaining authority, but it does seem it’s been pretty effective for a long time!

    well spanked, I have witnessed in my own marriage and in others that the dynamic of Dd makes for a strong and happy marriage. That’s proof enough for me!

    Thanks for the link Kitty!

    Leslie, the first year of changing rules and the dynamic in a relationship is not easy. No, you don’t have to “ask for it” but you do need to tell him just how you feel…and keep telling him, as things come up! You’re going to need to find some patience. PS. Men don’t get hints!

    RD, I am just not sure what to say except I am sorry. When it comes to love & marriage, I am an advocate of putting all my eggs in one basket. It’s paid off richly.

  6. I, too, would love to see the stats on how many woman crave and need what we have. That’s why I love everyone’s blogs so much….makes me realize I’m not alone. As for “spanking” stories…yum!!!!!

    K’s Sweetie

  7. Im reading a spanking story at the moment called Over the Knee about a young girl who is fascinated by spanking and goes out of her way to find trouble to find herself over a knee or two. Its really quite a good read :)

  8. I am disinclined to think of it as kinky – it is just acting out the traditional sexual roles to the benefit of both. My husband lets me get away with so much and then gives me the ‘go upstairs now’ look. No point arguing, negotiating or pleading that I’m really not in the mood. I worked out that I get the strap about once in every seven weeks; not regularly, and only for acceptable attitude or obedience issues. Reassurance/warning spankings are different.

  9. I hear what you are saying RD.

    K’s Sweetie, you are very much not alone!

    Thanks for the recommendation Leslie.

    And I thought it was going to be a ‘vanilla’ read, Hermione!

    joanna, I am glad you’ve fpund something that works for you. We have too.

  10. I would like to think that we are traditionalists… ttwd has been a long time coming for my husband and I.

    We have been married for 16 years and have only in the last year loved our marriage. I was strong headed and knew it had to be my way. My husband, who had been married before, was deathly afraid of this one failing… and I think he just did what ever he thought I wanted. I was raised in a home where my mom wore the pants till dad got mad and then all hell broke loose! In my house, we didn’t fight… there was just this undertow that was tense and not necessarily terribly happy.

    A year ago, I started talking to hubby about Taken in Hand, we even had a contract that we both signed. Didn’t really do anything with it because my husband isn’t a natural born leader. These last few months I have encouraged him to be the leader.. just telling him how much we all needed him to take the helm. God has led me to encourage him and to kind of “guide” him in this leading thing.

    Yes… I have ask for spankings… but they are to keep my mind set where it needs to be at to remind me that I need and want him to be my HOH. In just the last few months… our marriage has just blossemed… and he even made some kind of comment off the cuff about enjoying carrying his own balls. I think he has even come to the place where hes enjoying giving out these spankings as the sex has been fabulous since he has become “the boss”. He doesn’t boss me around… but I ask… and then he decides… and he is getting better and better at it every day. I have to say, the way that I have gotten him interested in ttwd is through “kink”. He’s a red blooded man… give him a little kink and he’ll be happy! LOL

    I love reading anything about spanking! Oh baby!!

    Sara… Love your blog… I’ve been lurking here for a long time and have learned so much from you and Grant! Keep up the great job that you have been doing guiding the rest of us !

  11. A question….. i got a punishment spanking on Tuesday night for a matter that was fairly serious but i didnt consider to be really my fault – or at least all my fault – anyhow – all good I took my punishment and we both felt immensley better afterward. We were laying in bed last night and he just pulled me across his lap and gave me a few hard slaps on the bare. It stung but didnt “hurt”. Would this be classed as a maintenance spanking? Just curious as ive never had maintenance pretty much because we are just starting out in this together. Ta.

  12. After reading your blog for three months, I’m finally de-lurking. When M and I were married 21 years ago, I was strong-willed and I wasn’t going to let any man, including my husband, tell me what to do. After all, we were both graduates of a prestigious college, and I was quite capable of running our household. I started my search on spanking after reading Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. It’s historical fiction/romance set in Scotland in the mid-1700’s, but it has one spanking scene that had me thinking, “Oooooh, I want that!” After reading the good, the bad, and the scary about spanking on the internet, I thought DD sounded like it would fulfill my needs, and M was willing to give it a try. I’m slowly learning to submit and allow my husband his voice. After only two months, I feel like our communication has improved and we are closer than ever. Granted, so far, I’ve only had “reassurance” (M liked that better than “maintenance”) spankings twice a week and no punishments—yet. (He’s very patient and doesn’t want to hurt me.) But even those have made me feel so protected, loved, and cherished. I’m vulnerable at those times, and I know he would never abuse the power I’m giving him. I’ve discovered that even in the messiness and chaos of our life together, real life can be better than a romance novel.

    We both appreciate your blog and Grant’s views (I’ve emailed M links to archived posts that I felt would help us in our journey), and I am so relieved to know I’m not alone in my needs. Thank you for sharing your life with us!

    BTW, I vote for traditionalists!

  13. Mikki, thank you for sharing your story, for reading here and for commenting!

    Leslie, I think you can call it whatever you like. If you go to the search button on the bottom right of the link column, you can search for posts about different kinds of spankings…”maintenance”, “reassurance”, “punishment”, etc.

    Vanessa, there were threats, but no, he never did really spank her…a few swats though!

    D, thanks for delurking and commenting! We were married for 20 years before we began Dd and the last 5+ have been much more peaceful and rewarding. Welcome to my world! :)

  14. This is all very encouraging. Thanks to everyone who has paved the way for me. Without this blog and Bonnie’s blog, I would still just be fantasizing and would never have thought to try this out in real life. I love that it has helped your relationships. I worry a lot that this might be good in the beginning, but that there might be unintended consequences – something like him becoming a real autocrat and bully over time. What I’ve read from you, Sara, and other DD bloggers, gives me confidence that he can be the HoH and spank me without being “mean”.

    We’re just “starting out… spanking” (my brand new blog!), and I think it is going to be great for us. (P.S. I was married for 25 years to a man who played with spanking as erotic foreplay. Now I have a bf like D’s husband – willing, but afraid to “hurt” me! That’s what I want and need! LOL.)

  15. A-Non, not every man can be an HoH and not become a bully. Power can be heady and if he is not a well balanced man, if he is self-centered and/or not able to put you and the relationship before his personal wants and needs, that is exactly where you might end up. There are not many but a few other Dd bloggers that are examples of that unfortunate reality. BUT, if your guy is a good and solid guy, trustworthy and devoted to what is really best for you and the marriage, then have no fears. You will find your way together, and you will not lose your voice or your sense of self worth. That your husband is afraid to hurt you is a really good place to start! I wish you the best of luck! Sara

  16. He is just like what you describe following the words, “BUT, if your guy….”, so I have great hope for a great Dd relationship with hiim that lasts a long time (forever??). One note: he is only a boyfriend, not a husband. I have read that maybe this Dd stuff won’t really work outside of marriage. (For background, I do think we are headed that way, in a couple of years. We are 100% exclusive with each other and take vacations together, etc.) What do you think about doing this while being bf/gf instead of being married?

  17. Update: We are still together and doing a little of the spanking, but not as Dd. It suits us well this way.

  18. There is no spanking scene in “Taming of the Shrew.” The spanking scene in “Kiss me Kate” was between the husband and wife playing the parts who were sparring in the movie offstage. If you watch the movie and wonder why the other actors on stage look confused over what is happening, it’s because there is not supposed to be a spanking in the play.

    I think people who think Taming of the Shrew has a spanking scene have never read Shakespeare.

  19. No, there is no literal spanking scene in Taming of the Shrew, yet there is inference, and most definitely Shakespeare addresses male-female and dominant-submissive dynamics…..an age old issue between the sexes, no?

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