I’m in a weird mood. It has been a sort of weird week. Monday our daughter turned 20. I know this is going to sound a bit odd, and over emotional, but I cried. Yeah, PMS. But I also cried because she is 20 and not 2 anymore. I cried because she is in love for the first time. She has become a young woman, I also cried because Grant was spanking me at the time, but sometimes I need that to let the tears come, when they get stuck. And that was the resolution to the Stars Not Aligning, of course. A spanking that would not have needed to be so fricken intense had it come 24 hours sooner…but them’s the breaks sometimes! Sigh…football playoff time!
Then I got sick – sick enough to take to my bed early Weds night, and stay home from work Thursday and Friday. Just a virus, but it zapped my energy. Now that I am back in full swing, it is the weekend again, so more football playoffs. Is there anyone else who can’t wait for the Super Bowl? Those festivities are to celebrate the end of the season, right?
I’ve been thinking a good bit about DD friends the last few days. When we began with DD, it became really important to me to find another woman or women to talk with, who could relate to what I and we are going through. I know Grant is always wary of me discussing our “personal business” and yet we women have a very real need to talk among ourselves, to discuss, debate, reassure and share. It is part of being a woman, and one way we differ from men. You guys seem to be content sharing sports and beer. We women need to TALK.
We talk about us, about jobs, kids, marriage, and yes, about DD. We share a lot and become close. One of the challenges that I never anticipated in making close DD woman friends is the struggle to accept aspects of their relationships that are different from mine. In the beginning, you tend to assume you are alike. As you get to really know people, you learn that there are still many differences, even among women who share so much. We have different temperaments, different rules, different punishments, and different intensity of spanking we engage in. It’s all fine philosophically, but something else entirely happens when you get very involved with a friend, and simply, I think, when you really care. You worry for them. One of the very nice things about being friends with other DD wives is that they understand and support that your goal in your relationship it to enhance it. We look to find ways to feel good about our husbands. Thus, we help each other do that. When one of us is mad at a husband and we need to vent, we allow each other that in a ‘safe’ environment with out the risk of it sinking into husband bashing. We help each other by reminding our friend “Yeah, he may have been off base, but he tries, he loves you…when he calms down, talk to him!” which is so much different from hearing “Yeah all men are jerks, aren’t they?” That truly is what you get in the non DD world way too often. It is not helpful.
But there are times, when I struggle to be supportive. When I do think someone else’s husband has acted badly, has let her down, has been insensitive, and I want to go ring his neck! I suppose it is nothing different from many close friends feel for each other, but aren’t our guys, these HoH’s types, supposed to be more aware, better than that? Sometimes. Most times. Not always. When it is my husband, I easily forgive him. When it is my dear friend’s husband, not so easily. I love my husband. I don’t love theirs though, and I find I can hold a grudge a lot longer.
In the past I remember struggling with talking with a friend who engages in more severe spanking than we do. I found myself worried. What it came down to was realizing that as long as it is consensual, it is OK. None of the women I am friendly with are shrinking violets, but for me, I needed to hear she was on board with her experience. Then I had to remind myself that it was THEIR choice. In a power exchange relationship it can begin to look, from the outside, like there is a non-consensual aspect. Non consensual spanking… non consensual anything is abusive. As we explore, I know from my own experience, one can get close to the edge with that. A lot of times we need to and want to. It is scary enough from the inside. Watching from the outside can be maddening!
Another challenge is the rules. Some people live with rules that bother me. I couldn’t live with them. “Well you don’t have to”, you might think. But they impact the relationships. Women I really care about live with rules that I could not and would not be able to tolerate. And there are times those rules even impact on my friendship with them. What is comes down to is respect. It requires extending your idea of respect to your friend and their husband, how they choose to live, thus to accepting their boundaries. It’s about understanding that in the end, it is consensual. Sometimes, it is a challenge.
I decided to drive to the drugstore last night at around 7 PM. I decided and I went. I told our son on the way out the door where I was going. It was dark, and it was snowing. On the way there I thought about the fact that most of my closest friends would not “be allowed” to run out to the store. One of them is not allowed to go out after dark. Another is not allowed to drive in the snow. Those restrictions would make me crazy! I have another friend who is not allowed to drive an hour away from home. That would just NOT be happening. First, I have to drive an hour into the city for work some days, and second I know I would feel controlled in a very unhealthy way. I don’t want to be controlled. Led, kept safe, but not living with a man who is controlling. But the thing is, each of these friends are Ok with their rules. It is just ME who is not Ok with their rules! Good thing they are not mine!
And I know that I have rules that they would be very unhappy with. No one wants to go there with the exercise/computer thing that I live with! I know they think my husband, as wonderful he is, is also a piece of work, and I doubt any of them would put up with him for very long (Love you dear! ). I wouldn’t put up with their husbands either! And I truly LIKE these men! It comes down to knowing that it IS consensual, that THEY are happy, and then being darn glad I have my own kind of trouble and no one else’s!